The Day She Jumped
by cullencraver
Summary: Bella jumped. Alice was sure of that. But when she returned to Forks, Washington, to see if Bella survived the fall, did she find what she expected? One split second decision changes Bella's fate - forever. All BPOV. For silver light flows.
1. Prologue

( Dedication : Our friendship might be as cyclically volatile as Bella and Jake's, but I wrote this for you, and plan to see it through. )

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_Prologue_

I've had near death experiences before, and I don't mean with my mom's experimental cooking.

In fact, a day or two more than a year ago, I almost died. A relentless vampire, posed with the challenge of killing me, managed to lure me into a deserted ballet studio of my childhood and was literally seconds away from killing me before I was saved.

I was in other life threatening dangers before now, too, if you exclude me dating a vampire for six months.

I also dated a werewolf for about two.

Between the constant danger of bleeding accidentaly and then being sucked dry by the Cullens and keeping everyone in check or get mauled by a member of the pack, I thought I'd seen it all.

But now?

It was a totally different story. Rather than running from an enemy or constantly evaluating every move to ensure the continuation of my life – I was working to end it.

I was struggling, physically and emotionally. The trees held me back as I trudged through endless woods, my mind racing. _What if I was too late?_ No – I wouldn't think that. I had to be just on time.

My life meant little to me today. Today I was racing to save something much, much more precious.

The life of another was the only thing that concerned me. The idea that he might lose it broke me apart. The gaping wound that once existed from my first boyfriend's absence practically paled in comparison.

I panted as I struggled through the obstacle course that scraped my legs and arms and tested my patience. I knew that as soon as I arrived at my destination, it'd be all over.

Death was a welcoming thought to me. As soon as it was over for me, he had his freedom. His life.

Another thought haunted my mind as I ran, though. _This way, you don't have to choose_, I reasoned.

However true that was, however happy it made me feel, it also made me feel guilty. I tried not to dwell on the subject because it added to the uneasy feeling already present in my stomach.

I focused my entire mind on my destination. Determination coursed through my veins, making my legs go as fast as possbile.

Then, they stopped. I stood still as I silently pulled aside a branch. The scene that unfolded before my eyes was surreal. Literally.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : This is my first true FF and meant to be taken semi-seriously. Like the first one I posted, NBLFE, yeah ... not so great. I now look at it like a joke. So I hope you actually like this one!! ) **

**( Blah : I'm not too happy with this Prologue. I actually, like, JUST wrote it. Yes, I wrote the entire story first. And AGHH I HATE FOR NOT LETTING ME USING PRETTY BRACKETS AND HAVING TO USE NASTY PARENTHESES! )**

**( Song : Hot 'N Cold by Katy Perry )**

**( Read and review, Please ! )**


	2. Two Weeks Later

**( AN : AHHH! I'm having an emotional breakdown. Two spelling errors lead to catastrophe. Sorry, but I kept catching spelling errors that I then went and fixed them all but then I had to fight with this stupid thing to post the fixed version, not the messy version. Obviously, if this is up, then it worked - but not without me losing a few hairs. )**

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_Chapter One: Two Weeks Later_

"I'm going to be running toni-" he begun. I stared up at his face like he was a skyscraper. That is, if skyscrapers were six foot five Quileute indian teenagers. He was the whole package: tall, dark, and handsome. And oh, yeah – a werewolf.

"Yeah, no – sorry, Charlie, I thought you were Billy." As he paused to listen to Charlie, he looked down at me with love and care in his eyes, making me melt. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to be closer to him. Suddenly, I was clasped around his great thigh, practically falling off of the kitchen chair. He chuckled at my sign of affection.

"I knew you were staying at our house – Bella said … No so … Well, yes, sir, I _am_ at your house now. I know it's late, but … just came to say goodnight. I'm sleeping at Quil's." He gave me a quick wink – Charlie had called twenty minutes before to tell me he was staying over Billy's for the night.

They were both struggling to cope with Harry Clearwater's death two weeks ago. Plus, it was 11:48 when he called and by the sound of it, he'd had a few beers. After the little persuasion I used, he had agreed to stay there. In less than fifteen minutes, Jake was knocking at my front door.

"No, you're not running me out … Yeah I had already been planning to sleep at Quil's anyway … No it's fine … Yeah, just take my bed … What was that? … Oh yeah? Okay …" I glared up at him as the conversation dragged. He was always over polite, as if he had to even _try_ to win over my dad. Charlie loved him. But, in my opinion, his manners were nothing compared to a past _friend_ (the word seemed unfitting and insignificant, but I did my best these days to not remember.) However, _his_ manners were not so graciously welcomed. My haunting reverie was broken by Jake's voice.

"Yeah, I'll see you Charlie … Okay, I'll be sure to remind her … Okay, bye," he finished, hanging up the phone. I drew out a sign, Jake knew how his phone conversations with my father bothered me. Secretly, I felt like that's why he did it.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," he apologized.

"You are becoming more like your father everyday. Soon they'll as you to join their knitting circle and gossip like old women!" I complained.

"_Ha. Ha._ _Very_ funny." His sarcasm was rushed, like he wanted to move on to some other topic. "And I almost forgot-" _Yeah, ok, you probably played up to this one, _I thought. "-Charlie said he's going straight from my house to work tomorrow. Won't be home until four."

The part he was waiting for. He took in every change in my expression as I went from taking in the information, figuring out the situation in my head, then showing off my teeth in a broad grin.

"I'll go get my bag," he said, following my unspoken, though mutually accepted, command.

He was gone and back again in a flash, I hardly had time to get up and walk to the sink to wash a dish before his arms wrapped around me. He lowered his head to rest it on top of mine and kiss it before he said, "That can wait."

He slid the dirty dish out of my hand. The speed of it all was incredible. It had barely been a minute and my head was close to spinning. I'd never seen anyone move that fast.

No. That wasn't true. I had, before, experienced movements _much_ faster than that. _He_ could have done exactly the same thing – gone outside, down to his car, opened it, pulled out a dufflebag, come back inside, put it in my room, and remove the plate from my hand, making my head fully spin - in less than thirty seconds. But no, I can't think of him. Of course, by telling myself that, I had to. No matter how much it hurt, I valued the fact that my mind was not a sieve.

Jacob released me, and, after muttering something along the lines of a quick shower after a day's worth of running, slipped upstairs. I slid into one of the mismatched kitchen chairs, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them as I let myself succumb to the grief.

It had been two weeks ago since I experienced my delusions. They brought a sense of euphoria to me – a way I remembered _him_ without sinking into a state of depression similar to right now.

_FLASHBACK_

Yes, it had been that fateful day two weeks ago. I had jumped off the giant cliff in La Push. As I plummeted into the icy surf and been convinced I was dying as I swirled in a limbo of seawater and delusion, I could only think of him. However, I was pulled out of my lowest point of life. Jacob had saved me; I said goodbye to my long lost Roman god.

I was saved by by new god, my god of light and of warmth. After I had spent the afternoon drying off and napping with Jacob, being informed of Harry's passing, and realizing how short life can be,_ it_ occurred to me.

I had decided I needed to be home for Charlie. I'd need to console him. Jake took me out to the truck and we'd begun to drive home when something dawned on him. He had swerved to the side of the road, turned off the truck, and pulled the key out of the ignition.

Still pensive, clearly thinking hard about something, he turned his body slightly to talk to me without taking his eyes off the road ahead.

"With Harry gone, Charlie will be spending much more time with Billy," he stated. I simply nodded. "I can't have you home alone that much with that leech still roaming the earth." I thought that last part was overly dramatic, but I blew it off.

"I'll be fine. Besides, at least if she comes we know she won't get Charlie too," I laughed it off.

"Bella, that's not funny." He had practically shouted it. I stared at him with wide eyes, fully aware of the results of any angry ourbursts he could have. However, I noticed I was in no danger. His voice was angry, but he still stared into space, pensive.

"Jack, what is it?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bella, I-I love you. I never want anything to happen to you. I never want to lose you." He turned to me with careful eyes, as if was hoping he didn't scare me off with his sudden commitment. I replied the way I felt best, what my heart told me to do.

"Good," I said simply.

It was all rather quick. We locked ourselves around eachother as we kissed. I had never thrown this much force, this much exhilaration into a kiss before – there had always been boundaries … _before_. Yet it all seemed so natural. Eventually, to both out displeasures, Jake let go and lightly pushed me away too. We leaned on opposite sides of my car, both gasping for breath. Suddenly, he spoke.

"I've got to tell Sam ..." And he jumped out the cab to run to the woods and transform.

"_WHAT_!?" I screamed, incredulous. I knew they shared thoughts, but _that_? That was too much!

"To tell him you're more than willing to stay around La Push more. To set up a watch over your house and defenses against the bloodsucker."

"Oh," I whispered with chagrin. I leaned back against the door and untensed. Jacob's clothes sat in a pile at the edge of the forest.

_FLASHFORWARD_

That was the day it all began. Ever since, we've been inseparable. We've been together. A couple. I enjoyed every moment of his presence I got, and I was pretty sure he felt the same.

As I sat there, remembering the reason that started this all, I felt guilty. Almost as though I was cheating. On both of them. I sighed and put my head down on my knees, thinking.

Just then, Jacob put his hand on my shoulder and lifted my face up. He took my posture as exhaustion.

"Bed," he said. He swept me up into his arms and carried me to my room.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : I know this chapter's a little ... boring. But it sets up the story and I promise it gets better. Next update Friday! )**

**( Song : Love Hurts by Incubus )**

**( Read and Review, Please! )**


	3. Something HE Could Never Do

**( AN : I'm so sorry again, guys, about the mistakes! These first several chapters were typed up from a note book, not my head this time, and therefore I didn't really check anything. But I'm working on it. Sorry! )**

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_Chapter Two: Something _He_ Could Never Do_

I woke up in his warm arms, glad I remembered that a light tee shirt and pajama shorts were more than enough, even through a cold night like last night.

I tried not to stir much, not wanting to wake him. I wondered what time it was as I fidgeted a bit.

"Good morning, love," he greeted me. I groaned, thinking I had woken him. "No, it's fine. I've been up for a while, actually," he explained.

"Why? What time is it?" I knew it was later than I had thought, the room was cast in perfect sunlight, a rare occasion in Forks.

"Twelve forty-six," he answered. I groaned. "Why so glum?"

"It means less time with you, just you," I explained.

"Doesn't mean less fun," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me. I had hardly noticed before how his hand glided up my loose shirt and cupped my body around the small of my back. His free hand slid behind my head to keep me in place. Before I knew it, his shirt was in my right hand as he lowered his hand down to my back to meet his other. Slowly, he lifted my shirt off as well.

Once again, it happened so quickly, I didn't know what was happening. Especially as I kicked my pajama shorts off with a flick of my ankle. I was now in just a bra – the prettiest and laciest I owned – and a pair of boy shorts – just as lacy and skimpy as my bra as I moved to pull his pants off too.

We were fully in tune, all our movements fluid. I giggled a bit at the idea of my movements being graceful, but also at the trouble I was having getting his pants off. That was a bad idea.

He rolled over to our sides, but the sudden movement caused me to bite down on his lower lip. I tore the skin and blood was drawn. As an automatic reflex, he shoved me away - with greater force than gale force hurricane winds.

I toppled to the floor in the most ungraceful heap. I had just began to untangle myself from my own limbs when Jake had recovered. He jumped up, laying on all fours on top of the bed, his fists shoved down into the mattress and a low, rumbling growl escaped his bared teeth.

I looked fearfully into his eyes, thinking he was hurt emotionally (physically, he would have healed by now.) To my surprise he cracked a grin and let out a low, seductive, though cheesy, purr.

I giggled. Playing along, I crouched defensively, feeling catlike. If I had ever thought of how it would happen, how the events leading up to _sex_ with _Jacob_ would occur, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't include this. Whatever, what was happening was happening. I was crouched, shifting my weight side to side while I pretended to be a wild mountain lioness. They were my favorite wild cats, mountain lions. I couldn't remember why just now …

And Jake. _Jake_. He held a pose resembling a feline, also. The only difference was that his fists were clenched like how apes held theirs. However, he still seemed wolf-like. I suppose it was just because I knew it was there, under everything else.

Hardly a second had passed, we moved so quickly, Jake more so. The dull thud I made when I crumpled to the floor ended right as we assumed our stances, then the next exact second, Jake leaned forward, sniffing the air and growling appreciatively. I was about to roll my eyes when it happened.

No. Not now. Not at all, ever, but of all moments, not this one!

The door banged open and both our heads jerked towards it to peer into the bright sunlight that flooded my room, leaking in from Charlie's room, the hall, the bathroom, _everywhere._ It seemed unnaturally intense – reminiscent of Phoenix – compared to my already bright room. My drawn curtains made such a difference. They robbed us of the unnaturally beautiful day. It was like this day was _made_ for what we had been about to do. What we could not do now.

It took only a couple seconds to register as the bright light momentarily blinded us and glared off out irises. Then the light drew back behind the dark figure, shadowed by light, and it came into view every so slowly, a two second process that seemed like two decades as the light encroached on the figure, highlighting its features.

I sighed out the word. It could have been in any number of ways – shock, euphoria, surprise, disappointment, embarrassment, anger, ecstasy – but it was in all of those ways combined that the word escaped my lips. "_Edward_."

He stood frozen in the door way as he took in the scene. My room. Me. Jake. My crouch. His stance. My messed up sheets. Me. Him. Us. _Naked._ Jake, in his boxers. Me, in my undergarments. He remained stone still in shock, not breathing, not moving save his eyes which absorbed the scene before him and flickered between Jake and me.

Jake let out and earsplitting roar of rage as he jumped to pull my covers over him to cover his almost-nude self. He pushed his head into my pillow as if trying to suffocate himself. I heard ripping noises issuing from under him. I'd have to buy a new pillow. More ripping. A new _mattress_.

The whole time I remained still, my breathing slow as I took in the shock. Until now, where it sped into an erratic frenzy as I fell onto my backside, hunched over with my arms limp at my side and my legs sprawled out before me, in defeat. I looked up into his eyes with a mixture of sorrow and sheepishness.

"_Bella,_" he croaked, not in disappointment, but in recognition. As if he were confirming that I was truly there. But why would the thought of my absence ever bother _him_.

It sounded like he hadn't used his voice in ages.

The whole time we stared, fixated at the eyes, ripping noises continued to issue from under Jake.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, the ripping stopped and he just heaved greatly with unsteady breath. He had managed to collect himself enough to talk. We remained unmoved, Edward and I, as our eyes were glued on each other; our mouth hung slightly open in disbelief.

"You-" Jake managed to choke out. "Get – get out. Now." Edward didn't move. Didn't flinch.

"And who are you to tell me?" his hoarse voice took some of the power out of the demand.

"Her boyfriend. Now get out of my girlfriend's room!" The words struck Edward. He actually bend forward a few inches as if the phrase had stabbed him. He looked, with disbelief, at me. He was silent but his expression was enough.

I drew my pleading, innocent eyes down to stare at my legs on the floor. He knew what my answer was. Yes, Jake and I were dating.

"Get out before I _throw_ you out!" Jake roared.

"Like you could make me," Edward defended himself. Jacob rose to his knees, getting ready to stand.

"Don't," I pleaded. Jake looked at me with incredulity. "I want to put on clothes. Please leave, Edward." I hoped he understood I didn't want him to _leave_, but just exit the room.

"I'll be downstairs. I won't listen with my head or my ears – promise." And he withdrew, but not before he glanced down and registered my being half naked, fully registered it.

_Promises._ I scoffed, not only at his promise, but also at the flicker of approval that covered every inch on his face as he examined my current state of dress. He was fast, but not _that_ fast. I stood and Jake got up as well, walking over to hold me. He began to speak, but I cut him off.

"Don't Jake, don't. I want to - I want to know why he - I want to know what -"

"I understand," he sighed. I knew he hated it. The chance, the moment. Over. The nightmare that tore me apart? Back. The anger flowed from every part of him. I was surprised he didn't just combust and spark into flames for his heat seemed intensified, higher because of the extreme anger he suppressed. If not for the situation, I'd be impressed by his control, impressed due to the wave of potpourri of emotions.

"I love you, with all my heart. Don't forget that, ever. Don't get hurt, be safe. I'll be watching in case anything goes wrong. Call me when you're done. Love you. Be safe." He grabbed his shirt and pants and leaped out the window and into the woods without a backward glance.

His words had struck me unexpectedly. _Be safe_. How amusing he chose those two words, of all that exist. He didn't know how much they meant to me, ho they were used once before. These words claimed me. They meant _he_ loved me. Now Jacob tried to use them too. It wasn't the same. Before, they meant the world. Now, they were almost insulting, as if he were mocking me.

Another thing he said made me angrier. _Don't get hurt._ He expected Edward to hurt me. Again. He knew he'd have to deal with it. Again. I pitied Jake as much as I hated him now. How could he think Edward would be so cruel as to do that again. Then again, last time wasn't pretty.

I tensed. Alone (again.) With Edward (in my kitchen.) Edward. Him. Here. Pain was around the corner, literally, and I felt it. But, just before I'd succumb …

"Stay. Give me ten minutes," I said, a little louder than a whisper. I knew he'd be listening, he'd have to know Jake left already.

I walked the three necessary steps to my bed and belly flopped onto it. I didn't have enough eyes for my tears to gush out of, not enough nostrils or mouths to hyperventilate through as I bawled noisily. I had cried myself out after seven minutes and I promised him ten.

I got up to make myself decent. I wiped my eyes and my nose with a tissue. I pulled on a pair of heather grey sweatpants and threw on a white tee. A nasty grin split my mind, my emotions so shot I couldn't bear grin physically, as I did so.

It was Jake's old tee shirt. His favorite. It was also his favorite on me. It was big, not fitted, but small enough to be stretched across my bust tightly, and short enough to leave an inch sized gap of skin exposed between my shirt and sweats, just below my hip line.

I checked my face in the hall mirror. My hair fell straight around me face, looking perfectly frazzled like in a magazine ad where a girl and guy fooled around. Otherwise, my eyes were a bit red but mostly wide with sorrow.

I walked to the top of the stairs and gripped the banister for support. I sighed, then took the first step.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Cliffhanger! ...Sort of. Anyway - Ok, people, I was rather disappointed with the reviews for last chapter - 4!? :( I know it was only the first - and the prologue - but still, I expect better when there are around 135 people who read the two combined. The next chapter will be up Sunday, but if the reviews satisfy me, it'll be up Saturday! )**

**( Song : Oh My by Mellowdrone )**

**( Read and review! )**


	4. Confessions

_Chapter Three: Confessions_

As I walked down the hall I realized he wasn't in the kitchen. He must be in the den. I walked forward, the fear of what would occur encroached my body, making my movement stiff even as my body shook.

I hovered into the doorway, not fully entering the den. He raised his head. He had been sitting on the edge of the couch, his legs spread apart while his folded hands with intertwined fingers floated in between as his elbows rested on his thighs. He breathed deep, more like a silent sigh, as he lowered his head back into a bow.

I couldn't. I didn't want to. The numbness was creeping up my body as if spreading from the tops of my fingers and my toes into my very core. Into my heart.

I hovered in the doorway, measuring which need was greater: my need to walk away forever, or my need to know.

Suddenly, the phone rang. In such an epic moment where the air hung thick with tension as it did now, I'd normally jump. However, the sudden break of silence wasn't frightening, it was precious. I glided to the phone gratefully, wanting to delay what had to come.

Charlie. He was caught up at work. He said he'd bring a pizza by the Black's house around six. It was one thirty. I excused Jake and myself from it, saying I'd make something for the two of us here. I needed the time to recover. If Charlie came home at all, it wouldn't be until late. Eleven, twelve even.

Charlie said goodbye and I hung up rather reluctantly. It was now. It was going to happen. I hung up the receiver and stared out into space. I knew I'd have to move or he'd come in here. It'd be more comfortable in the den. Plus, I'd have time to compose myself. I took a deep breath and fought the numbness. I practically floated back to the doorway, being so lightheaded.

I hesitated in the doorway once more. I didn't know how close I should get. I didn't know where to sit. What to say. I didn't know how to breathe. I gasped for air.

Edward turned his head to look up at me, almost amused at my struggle for air. Then he let out an almost inaudible sigh as he turned his head back to face the ground. "Sit," he begged hoarsely.

I slowly walked in and plopped down on the floor, indian style, about three or four feet away from him.

Seconds flew by as we sat there in silence. He continued to stare at the floor as I gazed at his bowed head. I finally tried to speak, starting to speak then stopping, over and over again, though not actually issuing any sounds. He spoke first, breaking my struggle.

"I'll start with the simplest, why I am here." He waited to see if I'd object – I didn't, so he continued after another long sigh.

"I had enough. I fought with myself for weeks on end and I had finally decided. I needed to come back. It took a lot of effort, trust me. But I finally convinced myself. So then, I set off for Forks." His voice grew more confident as he went on. His gaze never left the floor.

"I hunted on the way, being more careful, it's been so long …. I arrived in Forks a little after one. One sixteen to be precise. I had dropped stuff off at my house, then ran here. I slowly stepped out of the forest in your backyard when I heard an unfamiliar voice – train of thought.

"It was chanting. '_Bella, Bella, Bella._' I listened harder and got nothing but silence. I then knew you were there, too. I was slowly approaching your back door when it happened. I smelt blood and heard a low, dull thud. A roar of anger and your heartbeat shuddered.

"I didn't bother to noticed the blood smelt nothing like yours – something I now picked up on. I thought you were hurt as I flew through Charlie's window and paused outside your door. The smell of blood went away as quickly as it came. Then I heard growling. I feared greatly for you, not knowing what was on the other side of the door other than some vile cretin who was repeatedly chanting your name in his head.

"At the time, I assumed he was the one who dropped you and made you bleed. The idea of some one hurt you angered me and I burst in.

"What I found was … not what I had ever expected. You were safe. You were whole. You were with another man. I had just stepped in between something … something _I_ could _never_ do." The last part was almost unheard as his voice had faded. He didn't want me to have heard it, but I did.

"That is why I am here," he finished lamely.

I was perplexed. He returned. He feared I had been hurt, I heard the pain in his voice and it was genuine. None of it made sense. His gaze never met my eyes, let alone my body: he either stared at the floor or into space, when he had gotten into the middle of the story. Even now when he was done, he looked down.

I sighed. "Why are you here, Edward?" His response was incredulity. He looked up, though he stared directly into space and no where in my direction as he made a face that could not mar even _his_ features. I wondered what was going through his head.

"Did you not just hear what I told you?" he demanded.

"All I heard was a lovely story of how you barged in, after breaking and entering, on me and my boyfriend!"

"_Boyfriend_," he scoffed in an undertone. "Besides, the window was open and I didn't break anything, though I can't deny I entered. However, you're more than welcome to kick me out. It is _your_ house after all."

The offer was tempting, but I passed it. I need to know. I was trying hard to ask the question, but I couldn't. I ended up crying. I just sat there, my hands folded on my lap, and let the tears flow.

For the first time, he looked at me. His face was fully of horror and for once, was _not_ beautiful. No. That wasn't true. It _was_ beautiful. They only problem was that it hurt me to see him so horrified. It make me think I had chance. It made me cry even more.

He leaped up off the couch and skidded onto his knees in front of me, our knees almost touching, He slowly lifted his right hand up to touch my cheek but I turned my face away in pain, the tears still flowing. He stopped. This pained him as much as it did me. He dropped his hand in his lap.

"_Bella," _he pleaded.

"Why?" I demanded, my voice was sharp. My head was still turned away and me yees shut.

"'Why' what, Bella?"

"You left." I stated the obvious, venom still present in my voice.

"But I've returned," he countered.

"Stop it!" I spit out with vile hate. He broke me. He loved me as a lie. Then he left with no reason, no consideration. He left me to wallow in my greif. I have never been the same since.

Hate and fury built but it was too much, I didn't care that he was back. He shouldn't have to tell me he's back, he shouldn't have left. Ever. I love him. I still love him. He's everything I want and need. But could it ever be the same? He didn't want me. He didn't need me.

He had recoiled before, when I yelled in his face, jumping back a few feet. However, now, he reached out to hold my head so I could not look anywhere but at him. My breath rushed intermittently as my heard raced, I had not remembered the touch of his icy skin. How it sent a shiver down my spine, but not because it was too cold. The next shock I received was when I looked into his eyes.

The liquid topaz was piercing as it pleaded for my attention. They were brighter than I could ever remember. How much did he eat? I was unnecessary. Then again, it had been a very long time. Since … since he _left_ …

"Bella, please. I am going to explain to my fullest. Can you allow me that much? I need you to understand so that I can keep going." I nodded.

It figured. He just felt it was fair to tell me why he no longer loved me, then he was going to leave. Again. I was not, I am not, prepared for him to leave me a second time. Once had been more than enough. However, I complied with his request.

"It began after your birthday, if you hadn't noticed. Due to my lack of necessity for sleep, I had time. Time to think. Time to plan. We were not safe. You knew that. I told you that from the very beginning. However, I was selfish. I took it too far. Every day my family cautioned me to how easily I could killed you. Every day, Jasper and Emmett teased me to how easily I _was going to_ kill you.

"That night decided it. Jasper almost killed you. If it weren't for me, he would have. I don't know what I would have done. What any of us would have done. Your death would have affected us all catastrophically.

"So, I decided the best was to leave. I told my family my choice and they agreed. They didn't want you dead any more than I did, the problems it would have caused …

"That's why we left."

So that was it. He had had fallen too far in love with me. I was in constant danger. My second near-death experience, but this time from his brother. Instead of having to deal with Charlie and the rest of all the two police, he'd left. He said it himself, how they all would be effected by my death. Charlie would have known I was with him, or even his whole family. When I never returned or my body was found, they'd be questioned, and Charlie would know.

That's it. They were afraid that if they were questioned about my death, they'd be exposed. Sooner or later, someone would know of their secret, and then what would they do? That's why they left, for fear of exposure, of ruining all they had built. And after realizing what I could do to it all, Edward realized I wasn't worth it, just another distraction.

"I understand. You left to save yourself. Your family is now safe. They can't be exposed now because they can't be the cause of my death. It's not surprising. I'm sure I could have lived without you coming to tell me, though. You leaving me once was enough. Now that I _know_ you don't love me, the second time won't be much better," I stated blatantly, as if mere fact.

It truly was unnecessary, his visit. I was currently unemotional. The pain would indeed come later, in torrents. I already felt bad for what Jake would now experience first hand - he missed the intensity of my crash the first time, only meeting the after effects.

However, after I said that, Edward looked struck. Almost as though my paraphrase hurt him. It looked like he would cry if he could.

"What are you talking about, Bella?"

"You heard me. You don't love me. You never did. You left to protect you and your family's reputation. You came back to just let me know, in case I didn't understand. I know. There's no love for me, no hope."

"No hope?" he spluttered. His expression changed. "No hope!" He screamed it this time. "Bella, you truly don't listen. I didn't leave for me! I left for you! If you died I'd have nothing left to … exist for! My family would suffer my eternal depression forever. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let you die, not when you had so much to live for!

"It was harder than I thought. For no matter how constantly I reminded you, no matter how often I drew the line, reminding you of my limits, you never let go. You truly loved me, making leaving you even harder than it was.

"Then, when we left, I had a worser fear realized. My family hated me before I met you, they were bored of seeing me absorb myself in only my music, not any actual being. Leaving you was worse. I split from my family, venturing on my own. By mid-October, I was finally hit with the solidarity of my arrangement.

"I was in South America at the time. I found a cave in some forest and I curled up. I allowed myself to succumb to my grief. I didn't feed and I grew weak. I was determined to find a way to diminish into nothing, to cease to exist, to _die_."

This thought, of Edward, no long existing stole through me unleashing a new hurt. Impossible. He _had_ to exist. Always. Even if _I_ didn't. His voiced picked up with a new intensity.

"It was late April when I emerged from my cave. I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to make things right, or at least try. But I needed to feed first, I was unbearably weak.

"The whole time I didn't try, just wishing to diminish into nothingness. You at least tried. I urged you to get on with your life, to meet someone else. The thought of that drove me. It was exactly what I demanded of you, and exactly what I dreaded. The anxiety built and I needed to be with you. To touch you, to smell you. Oh, to smell your blood! I needed to return, I shouldn't have left. I love you, Bella! I still love you – I have never _stopped_ loving you!"

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Sorry but this chapter was originally mucho longer because it was hand written, so I had to break it in half. I don't like how it's broken, but it was the only way****. And ****btw****, Edward didn't actually **_**fly**_** through Charlie's window like stupid movie Edward can. It was an expression, ****duhr****! )**

**( PS : ****Ok****, so, this part: "What I found was … not what I had ever expected. You were safe. You were whole. You were with another man. I had just stepped ****in between**** something … something **_**I**_** could **_**never**_** do." is what the last chapter was named after, in case any of you were wondering. Remember, this was chapter two, too, before. )**

** Read and review! **


	5. Anger Management

( Previous : "I needed to return, I shouldn't have left. I love you, Bella! I still love you – I have never _stopped_ loving you!" – Edward )

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_Chapter Four: Anger Management_

He was on his feet and his breathing was uneven. It couldn't be true. Any of it. What was he doing to me? He didn't love me. Why did he lie, try to convince me of my fantasies?

"Please, Edward, don't." The tears began again. "Your efforts are wasted. You're right. I didn't let myself curl into a ball, no matter how much I wanted to. But you're wrong. I never moved on. There wasn't a day since you left where I didn't cry myself to sleep at night. A day since I had to hold myself together for fear of falling apart.

"You're right. I met Jake. I fell in love. I love him, Edward, and he loves me. But I never – once - stopped love you. To this day and from now on I'll never stop!"

He rushed forward and locked me in his icy grasp. He stared deep into my eyes and said, "MY love for you never once ceased, that was the lie. Now is the truth. You never stopped being mine, Bella. I too will love you forever, and that means much more, coming from me."

Then, he kissed me. More deeply and with more passion than he had used before. It lasted longer, too. He stopped, only to brush my hair behind my ear and whisper. "See? Your blood no longer controls me, our love does." His breath washed over me tantalizingly and paralyzed me. This allowed him to kiss me more.

As he leaned in again, I heard a giant crash. Edward stopped, his mouth centimeters away from mine. He blinked and his lashed brushed my cheeks. He sighed before he pulled away, once more leaving me dazed.

Jacob crashed into the room, ricocheting off the door frame. He stood far away, his fists clenched making his knuckles white. Edward stepped away and seemed relatively amused by Jacob's anger.

I walked over to Jake and held him tight, never wanting to let him go. I squeezed as tightly as I could, wanting to let him know I was okay. No matter how right I squeezed my arms around him or my eyes closed, he remained tensed, heaving breaths. For the first time in a while, he was shaking. This was going to be bad.

Edward chuckled. He laughed. Laughed at Jacob and his anger. I turned to stare at him incredulously. He was amused at Jake's anger, as if he were a mere human. But he wasn't.

Comprehension dawned. Edward though Jake was just a human. A hormone-raging adolescent. I wanted to laugh myself, but contained it.

I let go of Jacob and stepped in between the two of them.

"What – did you – just do?" Jacob managed to say behind clenched teeth and heaving breaths.

"I told Bella the truth," Edward replied simply.

"And after?"

"I kissed her." A smirk spread across his face.

"Did she ask you to?"

"No." Another smirk

Jake shook violently.

"Edward, stop, don't!" I pleaded.

"Why? Am I not allowed to torture your _boyfriend?_ He seems like he'd like to take a swat at me. I'd like to see him try." He smiled confidently at me, thinking he was sharing a joke with just me.

"Don't think I won't try!" Jake challenged.

Edward playfully rolled up his sleeves and raised his fists, bouncing side to side like a boxer. "Bring it," he taunted, pulling his finger towards himself. Jake stepped forward.

"Jake, no! Don't! You can't lose control! Not here, not now! He doesn't understand, Jake! He's joking because he doesn't know!" I shouted as loud as I could, knowing the consequences if Jake shifted.

Edward chuckled once more. "What? Your boyfriend the school's champion boxer? Think he can beat _me_? Oh, Bella, you should know better. Unless you're hoping I can take him down/"

"No!" I begged, but not to Edward. I begged for Jacob, for him to remain human. But it was too late.

Jake lunged at Edward. Edward was no prepared for the full force that brought him down. In defense, Edward flew Jake off with a kick of his feet. Jake sailed across the room. He twisted in mid-air, morphing into a great werewolf as he flew and landed – next to me.

As his hands transformed into paws, his nails turned into razor sharp claws that came swiping down through the air, though my arm.

Edward had frozen solid. First, because of the fact that Jake transformed into a werewolf in thin air. Second, because I crumpled to the ground, blood gushing from the gashes in my arm.

Jake was growling terribly, threatening Edward. He thought _he_ was the reason Edward froze. Though he wasn't half wrong, he was unaware of me behind him, slowly losing more blood by the second.

Edward tripped over himself, walking over to me to stop the pain that was searing down my arm. Jake backed to protect me, showing off his teeth.

The pain was so bad I began to cry, noisily. The intensity of it froze Jake. He turned slowly to see why I had suddenly succumb to tears. That's when he noticed. He noticed the thick, red blood oozing out my arm making me sick. He whined.

I could tell he took great effort to morph back. "Bella!" he exclaimed. He just stood there in shock as to what he had done.

Now that Jake was human again, Edward walked past him. Trying, once more, to tend to me. He wasn't breathing.

"Don't you touch her! You'll drink it all, soon as you're near enough!" Jacob warned him.

"How do you -?"

"Know? I'M A WEREWOLF, DAMMIT! Your mortal enemy! My whole pack has been chasing off that redhead for weeks, of course we know!"

"V-Victoria? Here?"

"Yes!"

I groaned. I felt dizzily weak. I collapsed onto the floor, holding my hand against my arm, applying as much pressure as possible while trying not to inhale the blood.

"Let me help her, I swear I won't hurt her," Edward begged Jake. "My sense are much stronger than yours and I have no desire in the world to kill her. I never did get to finish that kiss …"

Jacob looked as though he'd like very much to reply to that last statement, but resisted and let Edward pass.

Edward knelt beside me and lightly placed his hand on my arm that was gripping the injury. His cooling touch relaxed my arm as he pulled it away. He used his shirt to stop the major bleeding. I hadn't seen him remove it.

"This is out of my hands – Carlisle can be here in less than a day. For now, I'm afraid you'll have to go to the ER."

"No," I pleaded. I didn't want Charlie to know.

"Bella, please."

"No. Charlie can't know you're _visiting_ –" he made a face at my terminology "- and how could we explain it without saying Jake's a wolf?"

Edward sighed. "Fine. I can stop the bleeding and keep you safe, but Carlisle will have to mend the wound."

Jacob was shaking tremendously. "_They're_ coming back?" His face was incredulous.

"Carlisle must. Esme would come too."

Jacob thought a moment. "Bella, I can't keep control much longer. Don't forget me, call me when you're ok?"

"Okay," I whispered.

Jake walked out but not before Edward had said, "And fix the door you broke earlier!"

Everything went dark.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Zomg, so werewolves **_**do **_**exist! Silly Edward, myths are ****for kids****! Hope you liked it. OMG I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN UPDATING, SOME FRIENDS WERE VISITING FOR A FEW DAYS AND THEN I HAD WORK SO I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO UPDATE, SORRY! )**

**( Read and review! BTW - If this chapter doesn't break 20, I'm not updating until it does. If it breaks 25 I'll update by Thursday night, Friday morning the latest. I know you guys are reading, please just take 30 seconds to review. )**


	6. Truths and Lies

**( AN : Sorry for the delay, guys, but _Breaking Dawn_ got in the way. If you don't understand, you're a fail. Also, it's not like I failed to update the next day, because you didn't break 25. Ok, here's the deal. This is chapter five. You break 35 reviews, and you get chapter six Monday night, instead of Tuesday night. )**

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_Chapter Five: Truths and Lies_

My mind was conscious, but I could not see. I must have passed out. I think that it was dark in the room I was in, the light didn't penetrate my eyelids. Was there even light? It could be night, I didn't know how long I was out. In fact, I didn't know where I was. I could be dead for all I know, but I didn't think I was.

Before, I felt like I was floating. Just a conscience hovering in space. But I had a body. I was a body laying on a bed – with only one arm?

I fidgeted in the bed. The sheets were very smooth, like silk. Nowhere I would be would have silk sheets. They must be some cheap satin. But even that would be weird. In a hospital, nothing more than a polyester-cotton blend would be expected.

I stretched out my arm and legs a bit. I expected for my left arm to hang off the edge. It didn't. I still rested flat upon the bed. My fingertips couldn't even find the edge. This must be a huge bed. No bed would ever be this big. Especially in a hospital. Where was I!?

My eyes shot open and I flew up into a sitting position. The sudden movement made me very dizzy and my eyes went dark. The multi-color dots started to fade, letting me see. If there was anything _to_ see …

It was a pitch black room. I couldn't even see the shadows of the bedsheets below my hand. To my left was something shiny. A very feint and distant light played in flowing silver bands.

I went to turn on my side, propping myself up with my left arm since I didn't have a right one, but something stopped me. I didn't feel anything, but I couldn't move further past a certain point. I groaned. While I was in this bed, I might as well have the full advantage of resting in it.

As soon as I groaned I felt pressure on the mattress. Someone was sitting on the edge, a good foot or two away from me. How big was this bed? It much be a california king!

The unknown being all of a sudden patted my hair and stroked it. I had no idea who it was because their hand never made contact with my skin. I shied away from the person. I was really worried where I was now. That type of affection only came from someone who loved you. But someone who loved you wouldn't keep you in the dark, even if it was for your benefit.

If I didn't feel the evening out of the mattress, I wouldn't have know the person stood up – springs didn't make a sound. The room must have been carpeted too, for I didn't hear the person cross the room either. All I heard was a feint tap. They must have put their hand on the wall.

There was a soft _click _and the light turned on. It was a small light on each side of the bed. The scones that held the bulbs were wrought iron and antique looking against the golden draped wall. They set the room in a warm, yellow glow.

I could now see I was indeed in a king sized, elaborately welded, wrought iron bed. The sheets had to be silk – the bed was grand enough to suggest that.

However, the light was so feint that it only illuminated the bed and up to one foot past it. Every thing else was cast in pitch-black shadow. I still couldn't see more than an outline of the figure. It was standing, assumedly, at the light switch which was next to a door. The only way I could tell the door was there was because a strip of light was now visible below it.

To my left was a giant strip of window. The light was reflected in it so a large portion on the left side was blocked out, but on the right I could see through to a moonlit scene of a small clearing that ended in a surrounding forest. The moonlight danced playfully on a brook that cut through part of the clearing.

I knew where I was.

The dark figure now stepped forward to expose itself to the dim lighting.

"How is your arm?" Edward asked.

It was then that I realized, after looking down, that I was wrong. I _did_ have a right arm. I couldn't feel it. I could barely _move_ it. Attached to my inner elbow was an IV that hooked to a bad, the string that prevented me from moving before.

"Morphine," Edward explained. "It's not worth the pain, trust me/"

"How long have I been out for?" I asked, confused.

"Three days, give or take. It was much less painful for you than I'd have thought. Though I'm sure that's because of the morphine. You probably won't remember any of it."

I blanched. My heart stuttered then picked up three paces. _Three days?_ And he was right – I didn't remember any of it. All I knew was I was hooked up to morphine to make it less painful. Otherwise I had no idea what happened before I regained consciousness in Edward's room. I felt almost violated. Had I agreed to it? Had I begged for it? Was I ready yet? I knew it was everything I wanted but I had so much going on in my life – so much to sort out. Or did I? I couldn't remember.

At the sight of my face losing all color and after picking up my faltered heartbeat, Edward concluded I knew. He looked horrified. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. Perhaps he'd thought that I would have been excited.

"No!" he gasped.

"I'm sorry, Edward, it just came as a shock! I mean I guess I expected fair warning, when it was going to happen – though you probably did tell me, I just don't remember."

"No, no, no, no, no!" Edward raged as he began to pace back and forth.

"Don't be so mad at yourself, it's really not your fault."

"Not my fault?! Bella, of course it is! I mean you're right – I should have told you. But, oh Bella, I thought I hinted at it enough. I thought you'd have figured it out and never have let me do it!"

I was confused. "Never let you do it? Edward, it was everything I wanted. It brought so many opportunities!"

"No!" he raged on, continuously pacing and waving his arms in the air as he spoke. "Of course I knew it would hurt you – it hurts everybody. I tried so hard to warn you, being selfish, really. When I left, I never actually believed you'd move on.

"But I was wrong. You said it yourself, 'It brought so many opportunities.' Even though it's exactly what I needed to do, it hurt me. The pain was insufferable."

"What are you talking about?" I said, utterly confused.

"When I _left_, Bella! When I left you stopped loving me!"

"What does you leaving have to do with any of it? Besides, you're wrong, Edward. I never stopped loving you. I plan on spending this new eternity with you, only if you want me."

"Me leaving has everything to do-" he began. Then he looked even more struck than before. "'This new eternity'?" He stopped in his pacing and glared as if he didn't believe what he heard.

"Well, the last time I heard, vampires exist for an eternity. Unless I've been misinformed …"

"Vampires?" He was clearly thrown off track. He had no idea what I was talking about. My heart continued to beat erratically.

Comprehension dawned – oops. Maybe we _were _just talking about him leaving. Too late.

With his vampire speed he rushed onto the bed to kneel over me and he held my head between his hands. His face was no more than an inch from mine, his charcoal black eyes boring into mine as his breath washed over me, leaving me incapacitated.

"Bella, you are _not_ a vampire. I promised you that," he declared.

"Oh." It was all I managed to get out. I felt woozy due to his lovely scent and sudden movements. His closeness also brought out a feeling of impulsiveness.

He was thinking along the same lines. He looked up and down slowly, acknowledged the sudden sexual tension between us, and kissed me. He kissed me until my head was spinning twice as much as it was before.

"I would never _ever_ take your soul from you. I would never condemn you to that. I promise, no matter how much you beg."

Ugh. I exhaled disgusted. This took him by surprise which allowed me to manage to push him far enough off of me that he almost fell off the bed. Did I not just confess to him that it was everything I ever dreamed of?

"Bella! This is the second time I've fully confessed my love and devotion to you where your reaction was disgust! Why can't you just react the way you did the first time?!" He seemed desperate, furious that my actions were not up to his expectations.

_The first time_. Let's see. Perhaps because the first time he told me he loved me it was true love. He wasn't trying to convince me. He meant it, Back then, he didn't care if I loved him back or not, he just wanted to let me know. Now he almost demanded my love. Why couldn't _he_ make sense! Like I even stopped loving him anyway.

"Bella," he exasperated in a sigh. "Would you _please_ tell me what you're thinking?"

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Sorry I kinda went description crazy. Oh and sorry, I had to cut this chapter in half, too, hence it being so short. You don't realize how long written stories become once you type them … )**

**( Read and review! )**

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**AN : **I have had several complaints relative to Edward's lack of awareness of Jake being a werewolf. Many say he was overly surprised and should have smelt him. However, after being curled up in a cave for a good six months, then going crazy by thinking Bella died, then rushing off to Italy for an unwarranted reason, then returning back to said cave, I'm pretty sure that you're in a state where the smell of werewolves you met a good 50+ years ago's grandson is the LAST thing on your mind. Especially when la tua cantante is in the same room and as fragrant as ever. Give him a break, please people. (PS : Remember, this was also my first written FF.) So, if you have a problem, don't say any thing. It's a FAN FICTION. It's not perfect, no one is.


	7. Truths and Lies, Pt 2

_Chapter Six: Truths and Lies, Part Two_

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( Previous : "Bella," he exasperated in a sigh. "Would you _please_ tell me what you're thinking?" )

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"I doubt you want to know."

His face went from bad to worse. He looked distraught. NO matter how much the sight pained me, it also fueled me. He deserved it every bit as much as I did deserve him.

"I _always_ want to know what you're thinking!"

"Fine, your death sentence." He didn't look very pleased at my choice of words. "Oh it's an expression, get over it.

"The first time you told me you loved me I was ecstatic. You deserve so much more." He was about to interrupt me. "Don't. Let me finish or I won't tell you at all." He didn't object so I continued.

"You left. After you told me you loved me you stuck around a bit, but then you left. It tore me apart. I didn't get out of bed for a week, Charlie was talking about getting me mental help. Renée even came up and tried to get me to move back in with her – in Jacksonville. I threw a fit. I refused to ever leave this town again. Leaving it would make your absence more permanent. There was no way I could keep my memory of you in such a sunny place where you could never exist.

"I emerged. I went to school, I went to work, then I came straight home. I had near perfect grades and more than enough extra time on my hands.

"On one occurrence where I was posed with a dangerous situation, I … I heard your voice. Clearer than my memory, speaking words of comfort that guided me through the present situation. It was a delusion. It's not like you ever said these words to me before. Besides, you didn't love me, so it didn't make sense. Why would you bother to save me then?

"It didn't matter, I would a new way to remember you without … succumbing. You see, every other time I'd try to remember, I'd break down. I'd have to hold myself together for fear of falling into pieces. I've told you this already – do you not know how much you hurt me?"

At this point, Edward was in so much pain I was surprised he didn't cry out in agony.

"I'm sorry, I know how the truth hurts you. But you see how much it hurt me? You mean everything. You still do."

"That's why. You came back, but I didn't understand why. I still don't, I can't accept your words. You've liked to me before. How can I tell the truth from the lie anymore?"

"Bella," he sighed. "I don't know how to tell you other than asking you to take my word. I love you and I always have. There is only one lie. The lie I've lived for the past eight months. I even tried to convince _myself_ that I did not love you. I wanted to prevent myself from ever coming back. I loved you far too much. I saw your pain the day I left. I knew it was bad, but obviously it was worse than I had thought. I also had expected you to heal – completely. I guess I underestimated the adolescent female's mind.

"I'm terribly sorry, Bella. I'll never do this to you again. I swear, on my existence."

I absolutely broke down. This was so much harder than I had ever bargained for,

"_Bella_?" Once again, I left him speechless. I confused him one more by my sudden outburst. "What is it now?"

I tried to stifle my sobs but it wasn't easy. I gasped put the words through rough breaths. "You – love – me."

He looked even more perplexed now. "Yes." He stated the obvious.

I went hysterical now, sobs ripping out of my throat.

He was thunderstruck. He's never had to deal with a hysterical human before.

"I-I'm s-so sorry. I d-don't mean t-to break d-down like t-this. It's just s-so hard. I d-don't think I can d-do it."

"What are you talking about, Bella? What's so hard? Oh-" he understood. "It's okay Bella, I understand. Your'e going to have trouble loving me now. But you have to understand, Bella. If you love me, you won't have to try. I hope – in time – you'll learn to forgive me." Once again, there was a misunderstanding. He thought I was having trouble trusting him.

The tears that I had finally managed to fight back surfaced again.

"Bella, why does everything I saw make it all so much worse? What am I doing wrong?" He was desperate.

"You have it all w-wrong, Edward. That's the problem! You do everything right, I can't help but love you, even after you hurt me."

"That's good. But, there's still a problem?"

"Yes. The hard part is loving you, but not because of you. I love Jacob, too. _Almost_ as much as I love you. And I can't have you both in my life – not with what you both are. I don't think I can do it at all."

Now he understood. He sat silently, letting the truth set in.

"Alright," he decided, "Whatever you choose, I will fulfill. If you don't want me – I'm gone."

"No! Edward, never! Did I not just tell you how you leaving _once_ was terrible enough?"

"So what do you want to do?"

"I … I don't know."

We sat in silence. He waited. No matter how easily he could wait for decades on end, this seemed particularly painful for him.

"Am I allowed visitors?" I asked.

"Well, it is awfully late. But I'm sure she'd love to see you, it's not like she has something better to be doing."

"Who are you talking about, Edward?" Why did we never understand each other?

"Alice, of course! She never actually got to see you last time." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh well I didn't necessarily mean _Alice,_ though I would never say no to see her – What do you mean last time?"

"Wait, if not Alice then who?"

We were stuck. Both caught with a question neither of us wanted to answer.

"Edward, please, what do you mean _last time_?"

"Well, you see, Alice had a vision. She's so tuned to you that she couldn't help it, But she saw you jump off a cliff in La Push. She couldn't tell if you … survived. Her vision went blank. She rushed back to Forks without telling me. However, Rosalie assumed you had died. She told me as if it was a fact.

"I was not ye half way there. My plane would have landed in three hours and I would have continued on with my plans. However, my phone rang and it was Alice. I didn't bother calling her back on the airplane phone. I knew she would try to convince me you were alive so that I'd come back.

"I had an hour and half left to go. Alice left over fifteen messages. I was getting anxious. I didn't think I could wait out the next hour and a half. To amuse myself, I checked my messages. I knew nothing Alice said could have changed my mind. I was so very wrong.

"The first sixteen messages were of her begging, trying to convince me you were alive. Each time her voice seemed more confident.

"Finally, I got to her last message. That's what did it. 'Edward,' she said. 'I promise you I am not lying. Bella is completely alive. This time, I have proof. But I promise, I haven't revealed myself to her. She's getting home just now, listen-'

"I heard your front door open. You were banging around an awful lot. _But that could just be Charlie,_ I thought. Then I _knew_ you were alive – I heard a giggle. You always sounded like that when I kissed you, and it brought a smile to my lips." I felt my stomach drop – I giggled like that whenever someone I loved kissed me. That day, when I got home with Jake, we walked in the front door, glued at the lips. And Alice was there, the whole time. I blushed profusely and he smirked, thinking it was my response to his last sentence.

"There was a very muffled noise I couldn't distinguish-" our hands roving over eachother's bodies, the noise of our clothes being rubbed against each other "-and you giggled again. After that, Alice walked away and finished her message." Perhaps because that was right before Jacob and I confessed our love to each other, pecking each other on the lips a couple times. It must have created a loud enough noise to indicate I was kissing someone, something I was grateful Alice walked away from so Edward wouldn't hear.

"I didn't pay attention to anything she said, it didn't sound fully truthful, but I didn't care.

"You were safe, alive. As soon as the plane touched down, I got back on one that flew straight from Florence to New York. I visited Carlise and Esme, to let them know I'd come back. I sunk into a depression again. I returned to my cave down in Brazil once more, much to their displeasure. The next two weeks were my hardest ever. I knew you were alive. Living – without me. The pain from those two weeks were worse than the previous eight months.

"That's when I gave up. And four days ago, I returned."

So they thought I had committed suicide. I was surprised I never thought of that myself, but no. As long as I believed Edward existed, I had to too.

"But you said you spent a full eight months in solidarity, up until four days ago." I was confused, he said that, right?

He sighed. "That was my second lie. Two weeks ago, when I thought you tried to kill yourself, I emerged from my cave. However, I returned, two days later after learning the truth and after visiting Carlisle. Then, like I said, I came here."

There was still something. He had been avoiding the story for a reason. He left his cave – I shuddered thinking about it; a lonely, dark, dank place where he curled up to sulk – when he thought I died. He was going to go somewhere, when he thought I was dead. Oh!

"Did you say _Florence_?"

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Yeah, I know this chapter dragged because it's more of a repeat of New Moon. Once again I remind you that this was my first FF. It gets better, promise. BTW - I'm really disappointed in the reviews. 2 of 70 people reviewed. Please people, just take thirty seconds. If this chapter doesn't break 33, I'm stopping until it does.**** )**

**( R****ead and review! )**

**( PLEASE! )**


	8. Visiting Minutes

_Chapter Seven: Visiting Minutes_

"Yes, Florence, that place in Italy, you know?" His sarcasm made me think my assumptions were correct.

"Yes, I know Italy. In fact, you mentioned it to me once. Something about _contingency plans?_"

He was cornered. He knew there was no way out. So, he did was Edward does best: avoid the truth until later.

"I'll go get Carlisle to invite Jake up. It's what you wanted." No, worse: avoid the truth, then leave.

In fact, I think he was so shocked I caught on that quickly, or at all, that he didn't even know what he was truly telling me. This must be bad. My suspicions were confirmed when he ran out.

Ten minutes later, Alice entered. Her eyes were wide and filled to the brim with excitement.

"_BELLA!_" she screamed as she rushed over to my side and hugged me tightly. "Oh, Bella! I've missed you SO MUCH! I'm so sorry I missed you the last time I was up, because – well you know the story."

"It's good to see you too, Alice," I smiled. Her presence made me forget about Edward and Italy. She rambled on for twenty minutes about how much she missed my human presence and how terrible the time she spent away from me was. Then there was a knock on the door, and Alice stopped mid sentence.

"I'll come back, later, Bella. Promise." And she flitted from the room.

Then there was another knock. It was time for the truth – he can't hide from it much longer, could he?

The door opened and Carlisle stepped in. Maybe I was wrong.

"Bella," he acknowledged me and bowed his head before walking over to examine my arm.

"Carlisle! It's so good to see you! Is everyone back?"

"Esme is downstairs, unpacking some things. Jasper will be home alter, he wanted to do some extra hunting, to be sure … And Rose and Emmett should be here in a few days."

Shock must have split my face because Carlisle chuckled.

"Yes," he answered my thoughts. "Even Rosalie. She was actually almost glad to come. Bugs bother her more than anything, and being in Africa …"

It was all so soothing, having Carlisle talk carelessly as he adjusted various things.

"And it has also been arranged, Jacob Black. He'll be here soon."

Once again I was shocked. A) because Jacob would be here, in the Cullen's house, and B) because a werewolf was being generously greeted onto vampire lands.

Apparently, my apprehension was present on my face.

"Don't worry, Bella. We've both made endless promises, Jasper has got is all under control." His words were encouraging. Carlisle always knew the right thing to say. He was out th door and it was half a foot from closing when he stopped it and tucked his head in once more. "He really did do it all for you … just you." And he closed the door.

I knew he didn't mean inviting Jacob over. I also knew that he decided last minute to say it. I'm sure Edward would not be pleased when he found out. Somehow, he'd find it to be another excuse to blame himself. I sighed. He was impossible.

I tried to rest a bit, my eyes closed. I didn't sleep, however. I wanted to see everyone. Each of my two whole visitors so far only stayed for a couple minutes, I opened my eyes, I was bored.

However, when I did. I saw Jasper creeping with his back to me, towards Edward's closet.

"Jasper?" His behavior was very peculiar and I wanted to know what he was up to. When I called his name he froze and turned around on one foot guiltily, surprised he was caught.

"Oh, Bella, I thought you were asleep."

"You underestimate us humans, Jasper. Sometimes we are, and sometimes we're not."

He chuckled.

"So what are you doing, I was sleeping!" I joked.

"Er – well you weren't supposed to know, but Edward sent me to hide in the closet to … 'regulate' your conversation."

He felt my anger rise easily and attempted at calming me.

"Don't' worry, I won't tell Edward anything you guys say. In fact, if you'd like, I'll listen to music. I won't hear you, just feel you. Then again, that might be just as embarrassing."

I laughed. "Thanks for all your support, Jasper."

"It's Jazz, Bella."

"I know," I lowered my head shamefully as I admitted the next part. "But nicknames show attachment. And just in case …" I trailed off, not wanting Japser to realize my exact pain.

However, his gift was truly beneficial. I didn't even blink and yet I missed his sudden movement from eight feet away to kneeling on the bed beside me, holding my chin with one hand and staring deeply into my eyes.

"My entire family calls me Jazz. You must be insane to think that you're not included in that." He was dead seriously, his face radiated it, making me feel dirty, like I had greatly offended him.

Then, he drew away just as quickly as he came. He was closing the closet door on himself when something struck me.

"Jasp- Jazz!"

"Yes?" He opened the door a few inches.

"Didn't Carlisle say you were coming much later – you were hunting, just in case?" He felt my worry return as I realized the consequences of if he were hungry.

"Well, as far as Edward knows, I came straight in when you were sleeping, then left as soon as Jake was gone and you wouldn't notice. So I'm not here." He made cheesy 'woo' noises as he waved his hands in circles in front of his face, pretending to be an illusion.

I rolled my eyes as he started to get back inside. "I"ve already eaten, don't worry." I felt another unexplained wave of calm wash over me and I appreciated Jasper's presence.

"Even if I were hungry, the consequences of sampling, let alone smelling, are not worth it," he murmured to himself.

I snorted disapprovingly. I didn't believe that one bit.

A few short moments passed and I heard the clicking of an iPod wheel and music start. It was quickly lowered and the room went silent.

Another five minutes or so passed. I almost wished I could have talked to Jasper, all my visits have been short and unfulfilling. Suddenly interrupting my lonely thought was a low knock.

I got excited. I propped myself up straight and cleared my throat. "Come in," I allowed.

The door opened slowly, and there stood Jacob. His hair fell untidily around his face, looking perfectly messy. He wore a gray tee shirt that was tight to his bulging muscles, a pair or baggy sweatpants that rested on his hips, and extremely worn Adidas sandals. He was the epitome of laid back and his appearance soothed me. This time, I knew the feeling was real.

He hesitated in the doorway, looking warily awkward and guilty.

"It's ok, Jake," I encouraged. "You're fine, Carlisle and Esme are good … people."

He ignored my attempted comfort as he took the smallest step in, just enough to close the door. There was an awkward silence.

"Well, I'm practically better now, so you don't have to worry about coming here again."

At my words, Jacob broke down. He started to sob as he backed into the wall, his legs shaking. I was truly grateful for Jasper at this moment, for if he wasn't here I was sure Jake would be crying.

"Oh, B-B-Bella," he spluttered.

"Jacob!" I was shocked. How could such a reaction have ensued from _that_?

He was practically hysterical, if he hadn't hit that point already,

"Jake! You need to calm down!" I had no idea what to do, and I couldn't move from all the wiring I was connected to.

At my words, however, Jacob managed to get a grip on his emotions – though I didn't think it was entirely me doing.

"Jake," I pleaded. "What's wrong?"

"Bella, how could you ever talk to me, let alone even want to see me?" His words shocked me, how could I _not_ want to see him?

"Jake, I have no idea what you're talking about. I've missed you so much."

"D-don't say that."

"Jake, what's wrong? Why are you acting this way?"

"Bella! How else am I supposed to act? Too much damage has been done!"

"How could you say that? It sound so final, Jake, I, I –" I caught on. _Too much damage_. He couldn't handle me anymore. I had gone through so much that he, he, "Doesn't want me," I whispered.

"What?"

"You don't want me. No one does," I felt devastated, but in a lesser extent. I knew I was glad Jasper was there to help, but after he left?

"Bella, how oculd you want _me_? After what I've done!"

"Oh, I suppose I'll suffer from it, sure, but after a while I'll need you back." My sarcasm was wasted for the tears that were flowing.

"You can't say that, you can't even joke about it." Why was he so set on convincing me I didn't want him?

"There's nothing you ever did that hurt me, Jake!" That week he didn't talk to me was the only exception, but that was excusable. He couldn't have risked hurting me, the first week was always the worst; I usually compared it to the first year …

"Bella, how hard did you hit your head?" He thought I was going crazy, but it wasn't the first time I was asked that. Besides, he didn't actually hurt me … did he?

"I don't know what you're talking about Jake. I didn't hit my head, I only hurt my arm."

"And do you remember _how_ you hurt it?"

"No," I admitted. I had no idea what really happened these past few days, I hadn't had time to think about it.

"_Bella,_" he exhaled my name in a gasp that bent him over. He returned to leaning against the wall to catch his breath. The carpet had been smushed out from where he had been pacing.

"Jake, why does it matter?"

"_Why does it matter_?" he spit out, disgusted that it, apparently _should_ matter.

"That's right, why?" I was getting tired with not being told the truth. "It's not like my injury should drive you away."

He exhaled in a scowl and went back to pacing. "It has _everything_ to do with your injury! And it had every right to drive me away – straight to hell."

"No, it doesn't, Jake! You-"

"I'm no good for you, Bella! I'm too dangerous!"

That sentence hurt the most.

_I'm too dangerous._

Ha. How well I knew _that._ But I was still here. If not whole, part of me was. _He_ never actually physically hurt me, because _he _loved me … then. And Jacob loved me _now_, so he wouldn't hurt me.

He must have seen the disbelief on my face, for he said, "I am, truly. I always have been."

"But, Jake, you've learned to control that side, always, when you're around me."

"Around you, yes. But never around _him_. It was the first time. I hadn't expected how strong the hate was, it consumed me. I lashed out. My mind was not sane – my emotions overpowered my actions, and … I regret EVERYTHING, Bella."

"Y-you lost control?" I still didn't understand – did he hurt someone?

"You seriously don't remember." It wasn't a question. He slid halfway down the wall. Jasper was not strong enough for this.

"Bella – I morphed! I've told you – when other get too close, they get hurt. Look at Emily …"

Shock flooded me – had Jasper fallen asleep!? I looked down in recognition. My arm. Jacob.

The whole experience flashed through my mind. Three days ago. Me and Jacob. Edward, returned. He explained things. They fought. He morphed. I _fainted_.

"Bella, I'm – so sorry." He wouldn't look up. Remorse flooded his voice. "I can't ever forget what I did."

"But, Jake, I'm fine. It's just my arm. Nothing else."

"Bella, you still don't understand."

"Really, Jake, I know you'll never forget, but –"

"I won't. And I'll also … I'll make sure it _never_ happens again."

For once – I understood what his words had meant right away.

"No!" I whispered. I couldn't muster enough strength to shout it.

"I love you, Bella." He still didn't look at me. But as he turned to open the door, I saw a tear stream down his cheek. And he was gone.

I rolled over, succumbing to my grief as I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Jasper," I begged him out of his hiding. In the next second, I felt him kneeling next to me and his hand rubbing my back.

I turned enough to look up into his face. He looked almost as devastated as me.

"I could lighten the mood a bit, if you didn't make me listen to MCR and want to cut myself."

His humor brought on another round of fresh tears.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He was ashamed with himself and didn't know what to do to console me.

"No, I'm sorry," I sniffled. I pulled myself up and wiped away my tears. "This must not be easy for you."

"No," he admitted, laughing. I felt a bit better, his powers working now. "I'm sorry it ended like that. He is hurt, terribly. I could feel it. But you just need to give him time. If you want to …"

"Thanks so much, Jasper. You're great."

"Anytime. Just remember. If anything changes – well, both of them are just as dangerous, I suppose."

I laughed again. Both were. Both have tried to convince me they're not good enough. Both hurt me. Both tried to make it up, by leaving … I sighed.

"You'll figure it out," Jasper promised. "I am biased, however, and must put in a good word."

I chuckled. "Go ahead."

"Edward," he said. We both laughed.

He glanced at the door.

"You need to go," I said.

"No, it's fine. They're coming home soon, though. And Edward didn't want you to know I was here. He was bound to find out anyway."

"Truly, Jazz, just go, I'll be fine. You need a break from all this dispair."

He chuckled and moved to the door. I let out an accidental sigh.

"I'm sorry your visiting hours are over," he joked.

"More like visiting _minutes_." He laughed again.

"Trust me," he promised, "I'm sure once they all get back, they'll be dying to see you. Alice especially, she was dying to come back."

He laughed, leaving me to think how much they all truly loved me. I was sure it wasn't just Alice who had wanted to see me.

I leaned back into my pillows and realized something. Jasper hadn't breathed once since he left the closet.

* * *

** Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. **

** AN : I think this was my favorite chapter I've written. Why? I just love Jasper so much! Couldn't really care much about Jacob … Haha sorry but I'm an ExB-er. I tried to throw in as much humor as possible for such a morbid chapter. Oh and sorry for another chapter full of talking and explanations we already knew.**

**BTW : I know my story isn't that terrible. If I got 797+ hits for the past two chapters, I should have gotten more than five reviews. I've read terrible stories that get tons and tons of review. Seriously, please make my (already crappy day) a bit better by just reviewing? Pleaseee.**

** Read and review! **


	9. Car Troubles

_Chapter Eight : Car Troubles_

"He's avoiding me, isn't he?" I asked.

"How could you say that, Bella? You only woke up yesterday!"

"I know but he could at least _visit_."

"Bella, you know how hard it is for him. He's trying so hard not to kill himself right now, let alone _you_."

"Alice, I _know_. I just miss him."

"You just need to give him time, Bella. Edward-"

"Don't, Alice! I'm tried of hearing about _it_. I just want to see Jasper!"

Alice sighed. She found out that Jasper and I had a talk, that I knew he was there for my talk with Jake. Edward, on the other hand, was still uninformed, according to our current knowledge.

Ever since my talk with Jake, I've only been visited by Carlisle and Alice. Even though it had only been a day, I haven't been able to sleep, so it had felt like an eternity. I was too tired to realize the irony in that.

Emmett and Rose were arriving tomorrow. I was excited to see my big brother, even Rose if she'd visit. I was lonely, hadn't they learned what it did to me _last time_? I had no idea how long I'd have to be here, and I didn't want to spend it with just Alice.

"_Bella!_" Alice's eyes popped and her mouth hung open. "My god, Bella, look!" I looked down at my arm that Alice had just unwrapped. I held my breath, expecting a giant wound that I'd feint at the sight of. What I saw made my heart falter and my breathing stutter.

Alice just stared down at my arm, speechless. All there was left as a mark to prove I was attacked was a series of six scars. Together, they looked exactly like-

"A wolfs paw!" Alice shrieked. "Bella, you have a wolf's paw on your arm!"

I struggled to breathe. No matter how much I was glad I wasn't maimed, it was a reminder I didn't need.

At the sound of Alice's shriek, Carlisle walked in. Edward sidled in against the wall and I could see something blond standing right behind the half-open door.

"I see your wound is healed, Bella," Carlisle said. "Congratulations! I hardly thought you'd be able to use the arm anymore, let alone have a terrible scar."

"It's magical," Alice shrieked with joy. Who knew what she was thinking. Behind those big, round, topaz eyes was the mind of an avid fashionista who knew tank top season was around the corner.

Carlisle chuckled. "I suppose so. Well, Bella," he said, as he pulled out my IVs and wrapped up all the various medical apparatus. "I guess this means you're fine to do almost anything!" He left.

"Now we can actually go out!" Alice seemed to have been dying to do so.

"Well, I don't know, Alice. I have so much to do. Charlie, he needs – my god! Where does he think I've been for the past three days?"

"Today's Sunday, Bella. He knows that I'm back, just me, and thinks we're having a girls weekend to reminisce."

"Oh," was all I said.

"Yeah he's not to happy. Doesn't blame me, of course, but –" She stopped in the middle of her sentence as her gaze drifted towards the door. Edward looked ashamed. He pushed past Jasper and ran down the hall way and out the house.

I must have looked worried, for Alice said, "Don't worry about him. He'll just blame it all on himself and break a couple of things." As if on cue, we heard a crash from downstairs. Alice looked devastated as her eyes glossed over for a fraction of a second.

"Are you kidding me!" she roared, startling me so much I jumped. She ran from the room, yelling so loud even _I_ could still hear her.

"You jerk! I saw one little thing the wrong way and the boy who _already_ blames himself for _everything_ goes and breaks my precious Porsche!"

Jasper then entered the room, looking quite embarrassed. "I think it might just be time for you to leave, Bella. Charlie _does_ need to be fed sooner or later." I giggled.

"Thanks, Jazz," I said as I got up and hugged him. "For _everything_."

At first he was shocked, but then relaxed a little and patted my head.

I walked out of the house, calling goodbye to Carlisle. As I stepped outside, I realized I didn't have my truck, seeing as I didn't drive here. However, as I turned to my right, it was parked next to an old willow tree.

As I walked towards it, I heard a feint scuffling noise. It came from behind me, near the garage.

Suddenly Jasper exited the house, rolling his eyes and his sleeves, and shaking his head while calling out in a normal level voice, "Break it up, break it up!"

I laughed, though felt embarrassed. It _was_ my fault they were fighting.

I got into my truck and sighed as I turned on the ignition. _What_ was I going to do?

I began to drive down the long driveway and made it out onto the street. I was almost in Forks when my front left tire blew and I veered off to the left shoulder, parking on the grass with the forest to my left.

I sighed. Leave it to my truck, I thought.

I turned off the car and hopped out, hoping there was _something_ I could do. It was going to get dark soon and I didn't have a phone. I bent down to check out the tire.

I heard some rustling in the woods behind me, but that was normal.

However, something suddenly obstructed my vision and everything went black. Something hard hit me in the head, and I passed out.

For the second time in a week, I woke up not knowing where I was or how I got there.

"Bells?" I heard a voice ask me. I didn't recognize it at all.

"I told you not to hit her so hard!" another voice scolded the first.

"I didn't. Or at least I didn't think I did."

"She's a girl, they're not as strong."

I suddenly felt aware of my head and how much pain was in it. I grunted.

"Move," a new, deeper voice commanded. By it's tone, I could tell the owner of the voice was rolling their eyes mentally.

I heard slight movement around me and a big pair of hands grabbed my shoulders, shaking me lightly.

"Bella?" the deep voice asked. I was only fifty percent sure I raised my eyebrows. "Bella, can you hear me?" I made an indistinct noise and tried to nod.

That was a bad idea; I groaned.

"Get he some aspirin," the deep voice commanded.

I was suddenly aware I could move my lips. "Ow," I mumbled.

"Bella?" the voice asked _again_. I tried to surface to full consciousness as the voice said, "Here, give me those."

I felt my mouth opened by large fingers. Two pills were put in, then water.

"Swallow," the voice told me. "It's just aspirin, promise."

I struggled to swallow. It hurt and I ended up gasping. I managed to force open my eyes. I was on the ground in an unfamiliar place. Two teens were standing a few feet away and an older, more mature guy was crouched over me.

"Sam Uley?" I asked.

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Sorry, love cliffies. I'm also sorry for how short this is - it was one of those chapters that were too long for one but too short for two; however, I chose to make it two. And thanks SO MUCH for the reviews guys, I love you! If you get up to 55 by tomorrow night, I'll update early, just like I am now! Keep it up! :) )**

**( Read and review! )**


	10. Waiting

_Chapter Nine : Waiting_

Previous :"Sam Uley?" I asked.

Sam set his lips, making a face that clearly showed he was upset with something.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know what these two idiots –" he shot a venomous glance at the two tall, copper skinned men behind him "- were up to. I only found out an hour or two ago. By the time I was able to stop them, they'd already carried out their plan."

"How long was I out for?" I asked, thinking of how Edward would worry.

"Only about twenty minutes. I was in northern Canada and it took a while to get back here."

"Why were you so far?" I asked. "Was Victoria –"

"Not quite." His response made me think there was something he wasn't telling me.

"What –"

"I have something to tend to, Bella," Sam said, looking preoccupied with the woods behind me. "I hope these asses will take perfect care of you while I'm gone."

"But-"

"Bye, Bella." He stood up and stalked into the forest. I heard a rip, imagining him transforming and his clothes ripping into little shreds.

"Oh _crap_," the taller, skinny man said. "Sam is going to _kill_ us when he gets back."

"Fine. I'll tell him it was your idea, Em," the other decided. Em punched him.

"Embry?" I asked, confused. They stopped play fighting and looked at me, their fists still raised.

"H-hey, B-bella," he greeted me guiltily, stroking the back of his neck with one of his hands. Both of them had sheepish grins on.'

"What the _hell_ happened?" I demanded, sitting up in the dirt.

"Want to go to Emily's? It'd be better to explain it … just once."

I debated for a second. Going to Emily's meant possibly seeing Jake. Could I handle that? I should just go home now. But I _was_ kidnapped by two werewolves, very poorly might I add. Sam had his mind on something important and wasn't telling me what; I knew it concerned me in some way.

"Fine," I said through gritted teeth. The squat one held out his hand and I grabbed it. He pulled me up with virtually no effort.

I realized I was in a dirt yard next to a shabby green house. I guessed it was Embry's because he ran in quick and came out with a set of keys that he then put into an old Camaro he entered.

"I don't think you'll fit, Quil," Embry said, measuring his puny back seat. He clearly intended to make up for beating and kidnapping me by letting me ride shotgun.

"Whatever," Quil grumbled, walking towards the woods.

"Get in, Bella," Embry said, revving the car and lowering the loud music.

I got in warily and pulled the door shut, an effort on my part.

He revved the engine a couple more times before backing out and speeding down the street in a swift movement. In minutes we were pulling into the dirt patch next to Emily's house. I didn't see a black Volkswagen rabbit, but that didn't mean anything. Jake could have _ran_ here.

Embry turned off the car and put his wallet in the glove compartment. For the first time I've ever seen someone do so, he locked it. He unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car.

"Don't be so hesitant," he laughed. "Jake's not here."

I felt a bit better than I didn't have to see him. But I wanted to, so badly. I slowly got out of the car and walked over to the house. Embry held the door open for me and I walked in.

Emily was busy cooking while Quil, Jared, Paul, and a girl I didn't recognize sat at the kitchen table.

"Got her," Embry declared.

Jared and Paul grinned broadly, acting triumphant.

"Told you she would come willingly, even _after _you clubbed her," Jared said. Embry ignored him. "Hey, Em, I'm talking to you! You owe me and Paul twenty bucks each, pay up!"

"I don't know where my wallet is, must have lost it," Embry said, not meeting their eyes. It made sense now.

I was slightly hurt that they were betting on me, but not by much. I loved my Quileute friends, even though they were often harsh or blatant – it was _very_ different than being around the Cullens, one in particular.

Emily served tacos and Quil, Jared, Embry, and Paul pounced on them before they hit the table. The girl who was leaning on the back two legs of her chair, picking at her nails, looked disgusted and scooted back – Jared had leaned over her to get food. Emily laughed.

"Get used to it, Leah," Emily warned her. Leah … _Clearwater?_ But that must mean she knows. Did one of the guys imprint on her or something? It's not like any of them showed the affection Sam shows Emily to her. Could Jake …? No. I just _knew _that wasn't the reason.

"Whatever," Leah said, rolling her eyes. The guys just then finished eating, having scarfed it all down. I could have sworn there were _at least_ sixty or so tacos … split between only four guys.

"So when's Sam coming back?" Embry asked, still chewing.

"Dunno," Quil said. "Does anyone?"

"He was determined to get Ja- _him_ back," Emily said, trying to spare my feelings. I looked down, sad.

"Where did he go?" I asked quietly, my head still down. I feared the answer. What if he ran away because he didn't want to have to ever see me again?

"We're not one hundred percent sure …" Emily admitted.

"Sam mentioned running back from Canada when we just saw him," Embry said.

_Canada?_ I moaned. Emily walked over and put her arm around me, hugging me. I wanted the pain to go away but it wouldn't. I was empty without Jake, just like those dreadful months during which I was completely alone.

Everyone seemed relatively upset, not knowing what to do. Finally, Leah stood up, having had enough.

"I'm going," she declared.

"Where?" Jared asked, amazed.

"To find them!" she shouted, walking out the door.

"Pssh. 'Cause that's gonna happen," Jared said, leaning back in his chair.

"She _does _have the best sense of direction out of all of us," Embry admitted.

Wait. "Leah's a w- … a were-" I began, trying to choke out the word.

Everyone nodded.

"Paul, would you go with her, please? I would hate for her to have to go alone," Emily said.

He nodded and got up. However, all the others followed him.

"We might as well help, with nothing else to do," Quil explained.

I was left alone with Emily. I helped her clean up the kitchen. She began to make some homemade bread. I sat on a kitchen chair, curled up with my arms around me knees, watching her knead the dough.

"Leah doesn't seem too happy," I finally said, breaking the long silence. "Is she mad about being a wolf?"

"No," Emily sighed. "She doesn't mind. Well, I mean she _does_. But she takes what comes. Leah is such a good person, accepting every obstacle life throws at her. It's just –"

"You don't have to tell me, if it's something private. I wouldn't want her to not like me," I offered.

Emily laughed. "Leah already doesn't like you. Nothing against you personally – or well, actually part of it might be the Cullens – but she hates everyone. Since …"

"Since what?" I asked, eager to know why Leah was so misanthropic.

"Since … Sam." I was confused – what did Sam have to do with it? Emily turned around from the counter, having talked to me over her shoulder before, to face me. She sighed and I could have sworn a tear had slid town her face.

"Sam and Leah were dating, high school sweethearts. Everyone in town was anticipation the day they announced their engagement. Leah and I were as close as cousins could ever be. We loved each other. Many people thought we were twins."

I became absorbed in the story, still perplexed how it all unfolded. Sam and Leah? I couldn't imagine them being in love. Sam and _Emily_ were in love. Though I thought what they had was much stronger than something as simple as _love_.

"I hadn't been down in a while, having been working hard in school – my parents could never afford college, so I worked my butt off. The last time we had really hung out was in sophomore year, we were sixteen. She was spilling with happiness, having been crushing on Sam at the time. I always thought he sounded too into duty and honor, absorbed in the older aspects of our culture.

"After that, we only talked on the phone – though for hours on end. She and Sam started dating half way through junior year. Every time I talked to her after that, she would go on for _hours_ about him. I grew sick of him, to tell you the truth, and I'd never even met the guy.

"Finally, after we'd graduated high school, I had come down to visit, having had the time. It was the first time I met Sam. He left Leah for a while – I later learned that was when he first transformed – and I had a grudge against him. However, that all changed.

"Leah and I were catching up. She made cookies and we were talking when he walked in. It was all very awkward – the entire moment. I mean I've never been happier, but Leah was my best friend. She still won't forgive me, even though she understands _everything_ now." Emily sighed.

"I'm so sorry," I said, getting up to console her. I hugged her and she buried her face into my shoulder, crying softly.

"I just wish she'd forgive me. She'd already forgave Sam," she cried. I stood there, holding Emily for a few minutes.

I heard the door open behind me. Emily's head snapped up and her mouth was open. I turned slowly, afraid of what I'd find.

Having expected Sam, Jake, or both, I was surprised to see Embry and Jared pulling Paul forcibly up the front steps. Paul finally gave in and he sunk into a kitchen chair. Quil and Seth entered the house shorty after, looking forlorn.

"What happened?" Emily asked, in a calm voice. I looked up and her eyes were completely dry, no mark of her ever crying.

"We were just about to go north when we caught a trail from the east. We followed it and it was the red head. We were contemplating crossing the border to chase her down when we met up with the coven. We almost had her but those – _things_ got in our way. Paul overreacted," Jared explained.

"_Overreacted_," Emily said, in an undertone.

"Yeah, him and the biggest one almost went at it but we managed to pull Paul back," Embry said.

"Yeah, and my butt's not yet healed," Paul complained, rubbing his behind.

"You would've attack them if we didn't get out of there," Embry reasoned.

"But you could have grabbed anything but." Quil and Jared started giggling at the pun. Embry rolled his eyes, along with Emily.

"But … where's Leah?" Emily asked. I realized that Leah hadn't come back, too.

"After we lost the 'bad' bloodsucker, she ran off to find Sam and Jake. Was thinking something along the lines of 'getting the moping baby back'," Embry said.

The afternoon went by slowly as we waited and waited. It was around five when I realized that no one knew where I was.

I asked Emily for her phone and I called Charlie.

"Where the hell have you been?" he demanded. "I thought you were kidnapped by Alice!"

I laughed nervously. "Not by Alice –"

"What!?" he roared. "You were kidnapped!?"

"No, Char-Dad, no! Well, kinda. You see Jake and I broke- got in a fight. He wouldn't talk to me and so his friend, Embry and Quil, they 'kidnapped' me." I heard the talking in the other room die down a bit and two voices mumbled guiltily. Two chairs scraped against the floor and the front door opened. I guessed Embry and Quil heard, and they left.

"Oh, well that's fine, if you're in La Push. Are you and Jake ok?" Charlie asked, so oblivious to _everything_.

"Well, he kinda-" what do I say? "-went on a walk. He hasn't come back since I got here. Sam's out, trying to find him and talk some sense into him, I think."

I got off the phone with Charlie and sighed. What was I going to do? I walked back into the kitchen and found that Embry and Quil _had_ gone. As well as everyone else.

Emily was cleaning up the mess from the bread she had made earlier.

I sighed. "I should go."

"No one said you have to," Emily protested. "I don't mind having you here, not at all."

"_You_ might not …" I trailed off, leaving the person who was mutually understood _to_ mind unnamed.

"He'll come back sooner or later, he's such a pushover. Don't worry Bella," she reassured me. "He might be sulking now, but when he comes back, he'll be vying to win you back."

"I doubt it," I mumbled, looking down.

"Well, that's it then," Emily said, brandishing a wooden spoon. "Either you get a better attitude or get out!" She smiled, laughing; however, I turned and sloped towards the door.

"Please don't leave, Bella," she begged.

"No, really, Emily," I said without turning around, grabbing for the door handle. "_They_ will be wondering where I am." I imagined, behind me, Emily's shoulders dropping, realizing who I meant. "Sorry," I said, walking out.

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**Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it.**

** AN : Ok I lied, this one was only 2.307, but I was close! Also, I want to let you know that this is the chapter where I started typing everything – every chapter before this I had written down. Before I finished this story, I wrote the other one I have posted. I started writing this one again, having picked up right where Bella feinted. I can obviously see the difference in writing, but don't know if you can. **

** Read and review! **


	11. Make Up to Make Out

_Chapter Ten : Make Up to Make Out_

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( Previous : "Sorry," I said, walking out. )

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I was outside when I realized that I had no way of getting home. My car was abandoned on the grassy shoulder of a road whose name I had never paid much attention to and my usual lift was hiding somewhere in Canada.

I began to trudge my way down the main road in La Push towards Forks. It would be a long walk, but I had a lot to think about anyway. Whether it was about Edward or Jacob, I had no idea what to do in either situation. Both were hiding from me, hiding from resolving any confusion.

Me entire internal conflict was interrupted, however, when I looked up for the first time in about two or three miles. I saw Alice half hanging out of the door of Carlisle's Mercedes. She waved excitedly, but then let her hand fall limp, along with her face – not doubt evaluating my expression.

She sunk back into the car and shut the door and I moped my way over to the passenger's side. I slid in ungracefully, slamming the door shut.

"Just drive, please," I told her, before she could talk. She did.

However, rather than stopping at my house, she flew past the school and north of town – towards their house.

"Alice," I whined.

"Sush!" she commanded me. "I don't care if the both of you want to mope your lives away, but I know you have things to work out and you're never going to get it done if it was up to you two."

"Hmph," was all I said, crossing my arms.

Another five minutes passed and I realized Alice was suddenly driving unreasonably slow – 50 mph in a 30 mph area. I simply raised my eyebrow at her, confused.

"Ok so I'm a little anxious about this, myself," Alice admitted. "But you _will _talk it over," she amended with a stern voice. She the smiled sympathetically – we both knew she was kidding. But she _was_ trying to help.

"I appreciate it, Alice," I said, patting her right hand. She smiled a bit bigger, but I sighed.

"What am I going to do?" I asked her.

She frowned. "It's up to you, Bella. I can't choose your life for you."

"Ugh, I know," I whined. "Why can't life be simpler, Alice? Why can't everything be an easy decision, one that pleases every party?"

She smiled sympathetically again, patting _my_ hand this time. "Bella you can't always make _everyone_ happy. You have to learn that people will get hurt. What you choose should be for yourself. You're such a giving person that you don't realize that you've never once taken anything for yourself."

I smiled weakly at her. "Thanks, Alice. I needed to hear that."

She laughed a little, producing a wonderful sound that make me close my eyes and savor it. "If only _he_ said that when I told _him_."

I opened my eyes to find Alice staring directly at the road in front of her, almost guiltily.

"You've told that to Edward?" I asked. She swallowed audibly - she was caught.

"Possibly …" she trailed off.

"_Alice,_" I whined again.

"Ok so I did. But that's only because he's too thick-headed to realized that when there's something perfect, laid out before him, he needs to grab it … before it's too late."

I was confused. "Are you talking … about me?" She nodded. "But Alice, I'm not perfect. I don't' deserve him …"

She screamed out an unidentifiable grunt, slamming her hands down on the steering wheel. "Bella would you _stop _it!? You're perfect – you're perfect for him. And he's perfect for you. And you're perfect for each other. Now would you both just be selfish for once – just _once_ – and take what you _know_ you want?" she screamed at me.

I was shocked. I'd never truly heard Alice yet, let alone be frustrated.

"Alice," I began, grasping for something to say.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she cut me off, looking sheepish. "I just needed to let that out. But it's the truth. Don't you see – you're both so selfishly giving that you would never think to satisfy yourself."

She was right. Everything I did, I did it for others. But if I ever did something for myself, others would get hurt. I couldn't do that, it wasn't fair.

"Even if I did … 'take what I wanted,'" I said, quoting her words with my fingers. "It would mean anything. Not only would I hurt others," I gulped, thinking of how hurt Jacob was _now_, let alone how hurt he'd be later. "But I'd hurt myself. I'd delude myself into thinking _he_ wanted me. And I know that's not true."

Alice grunted again, breathing heavily out of her nose and pressing hard on the gas pedal. The car shot forward, from a steady 46 mph to a more than illegal speed of 120.

"Alice?" I asked. She didn't answer. In the next second I was slammed into the door next to me as she made a sharp turn into the driveway. She raced down the forest path and when she reached the house, spun 180º so my door was parallel with the Cullen house's front door. I ricocheted off the door again and turned to look at Alice.

She was hunched over and her knuckles were straining against the steering wheel. "Carlisle would _kill_ me if I broke his car, so just _go_,Bella," she commanded.

I took one last fleeting, and extremely terrified, glance at Alice. For once, she passed for looking like a vampire.

I tripped over my own feet as I stumbled to the front porch. Behind me, I heard squealing noised as Alice turned the car around with several jerking stops. On the porch, I turned to see her speed towards the garage, flying dusty dirt everywhere.

I sighed as I went to turn to open the door, only to find Edward already there, staring over my head in the direction of the garage.

"If she even _thinks_ about touching my car …" he trailed off. I waited, staring at his glorious, determined face. A second passed and I heard nothing. "Good girl," he muttered, rather amused.

Finally, he looked down to find me confused and surprised.

"Sorry – brothers and sisters get in fights, sometimes." I raised my eyebrow, as if to exasperatedly say 'No kidding.' He sighed. "Come inside, Bella."

I walked inside to find an empty room. "Up here," he called softly, forgetting my hearing was not even relatively equivalent to any of his family's.

I walked hesitantly up the stairs and down the first hallway. I ascended the second flight to find him slowly open his room door as my eyes became level with the third floor.

I slowed, coming to a full stop once I stepped off the stairs. He sighed and moved invisibly to my side, lifting me slightly off the floor, and carrying me too fast for a human and too slow for a vampire, down the hall. The whole time he stared directly into my eyes.

When we reached his room, he didn't drop his gaze. He just continued to back up until we reached his couch. He let go gently and dropped to sit. I followed suit in a much less graceful manner.

He sighed deeply and looked down at his hands resting in his lap. We sat in silence and I observed our surroundings. The bed had been removed and everything back in place. The black leather sofa we sat on was cast in the setting sunlight, warming my exposed skin.

"Edward," I began, but he raised his finger to my lip and I stopped. His touch was electric, the coolness pulsing intro my lips. He then slid his hand to rest against my cheek, spreading the sensation across my face and down my spine. I shivered slightly.

He smiled apologetically and removed his hand from his face.

"Don't –" I said, reaching for his hand. "Don't stop." He smiled, looking up through his eyelashes.

"So you want me?" he asked simply, skipping all nervous pretenses. I nodded shyly, caressing his hand with two of my own. He smiled big, flashing all of his crystal white teeth, making me melt on the inside.

"If you could hear like I could, you'd hear a feint 'Eeeeeee!'" he said. I looked at him questioningly. "Alice," he explained. I smiled, looking down at our hands. I traced the knuckle of the ring finger on his left hand when he suddenly pulled it slowly away. I frowned.

He then lifted that hand to push up my chin. I was now looking directly at his eyes. He raised his right hand to cup my jawline as he said, "This is for you, Alice."

He leaned in slowly and I closed my eyes. His lips were refreshingly cool. I didn't realize just how much I missed them until I grabbed both of his extended arms with my hands. I slowly slid them up his biceps, rubbing his shoulders before sliding my palms down his side and then pushing them back up his chest, slowing down before I wrapped them around his neck.

His hands slid down my neck to my waist. He grabbed it lightly as we deepened the kiss. A few minutes passed and I didn't think it could get any better – but it did.

When I opened my lips slightly, like always, he didn't draw back, like always. Instead, he slowly slipped his tongue out. It traced the line of my lips, then my teeth. I shuddered with pleasure. Then, I slowly closed my mouth and his tongue retreated. I kissed him lightly on the lips once, twice, three times, then trailed his jaw line with my mouth. I made my way down his neck, kissing it each time I moved lower, as if my lips were climbing down a ladder.

He exhaled unevenly, like a shudder. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he were silently moaning. He pulled me closer as I reached his collarbone. I kissed the hollow of his neck for a few seconds then pulled away, only to turn my head to its side, resting my cheek against his chest. I closed my eyes again, savoring the moment.

My arms fell from his neck and I slid them around his waist, hugging him closely. He sighed contentedly and slid his hands from my wait to my lower back, hugging me tightly.

He rested his stone head in my hair and kissed it every few seconds. We sat there, hugging for a few minutes.

Finally, I sighed. "What do I tell Jacob?" I asked, directing my question to the no one in particular. He sighed too and pulled me away slightly, not as far as arm's length, but far enough to look down into my eyes.

"That I love you with all my heart, no matter how cold it may be, and that he'll just have to deal with that."

I smiled, laughing silently.

"Of course, that is, if you accept my love," he said, more strained. The moment went from utter bliss and contentment to a solid tension, mostly radiating from Edward.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked.

"Well, you said, what about Ja-" he began. I dropped my hands from his and he stopped.

"All I asked was what I was going to tell him. I never said I didn't love you. Why do you always give me the option to say no to you? Do you _not _want me to say yes?" He shook his head, leaning back a bit.

"Bella, I would _never_ want that! All I ever want is you! But if you don't me back-"

"Stop," I commanded. He looked upset, but I started to laugh which then made him look confused. "Alice was right – we are so selfless we don't take what we want."

He smiled and hugged me again. We sat in silence, my eyes closed, breathing in his scent as he stroked my hair.

"I have a question, Bella," he asked. I looked up confused, though I only found his throat. He didn't let go, still stroking my hair.

"Were you happy when I left?" he asked.

"No, never!" I gasped. "How could you think that?" I demanded, tyring to look up again. However, he still held me.

"Well, on the day I thought you– the day I thought that, maybe, you had d- …" he paused. "The day I thought I lost you," he amended. "I immediately fled for Italy, as you already know. The only thing that made me turn around was that last voice mail of Alice's - where you giggled. You were happy when I was gone, were you not?"

I furrowed my brow, trying to remember the day. As I did so, I said, "Of course I wasn't happy when you left," reassuring him, even though I couldn't remember what had made me giggle yet.

I remembered that was the day Harry died – the day Jake professed his love to me.

_FLASHBACK_

When we were finally parked in front of my house, Jake leaned in hesitantly and kissed me. After a few minutes, he lifted me into his arms to pull me out of the car. Then he kicked the door closed and put me down. We stumbled our way up the front lawn, never breaking the kiss. He reached up into the eaves to pull down the key as I backed into the door. He pressed one hand next to my head, the other searching blindly for the lock. Somehow, he managed to open it and I fell backwards, over the threshold. I giggled and he smiled at me, only to pull me up and back into the kiss seconds later.

_FLASHFORWARD_

"Bella?" Edward asked, suddenly stopping stroking my hair as my eyes grew wide as I realized what made me giggle.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : This is another really long one, sorry if you don't like it. But I love this chapter, it's my second favorite, after that one with Jasper. It's very … graphic, I guess? I know you might say Alice is OOC, but this is a FF. )**

**( Read and review! )**

**(Break 65 and you'll get an update tomorrow - Wednesday. Instead of Thursday)**


	12. Showing Up to Grow Up

_Chapter Eleven : Showing Up to Grow Up_

So Edward hadn't talked to me for the past two days. After his suspicions about the exact … _contact_ that happened between Jacob and me, he hadn't said one word. Alice, the _genius_ that she is, confirmed Edward's theory when he asked her about that day. If only she didn't _picture_ it all, it wouldn't be that bad. I almost regretted getting mad at her, asking her not to speak with me. For the past two days I've only heard Charlie's voice, and mine own.

That was the other problem – _Charlie_. He didn't exactly know what what going on … at all. He had no idea Edward was back, even though it has been six days since he returned – it was still spring break, and we didn't have school. However, he did know that Jake was MIA as of three days ago. When he talked to Billy about it, Billy says Jake went to Makah to visit a cousin who doesn't have a phone.

As much as a stretch as that was, seeing as I couldn't verify the story, Charlie bought it. No matter what, as long as it was Jacob, he was a-okay with it. I wanted to roll my eyes just thinking about it.

However, I tried hard not to dwell on all that. Thinking about Jacob hurt me. Edward saw it clearly in my expression. Even if he didn't talk to me, he sat with his arm around me as I ate at his house. He caressed my hair and my face, even kissed me lightly at random intervals. But not one word escape his lips. It was silly, really.

Emmett decided to go hunting, having had enough of Edward's games – even if he wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't let me out of his sight. I wasn't allowed to play baseball, or well, watch, when there was a storm the night before. I wasn't allowed to go shopping with Alice, which even now seemed better than this. I had no idea how I'd survive.

"That's it, Edward!" Alice shrieked, slamming down her book and suddenly leaping out of Jasper's lap, startling him. His hand was still wrapped around what was now thin air, and his head bent as if it were previously resting on something. If Alice didn't seem so maniacal, I'd have laughed when Jasper fell, suddenly having no support underneath him.

Edward simply looked up, innocently confused.

"Oh, _please_," Alice spit at him. "Either you say something now or I will personally drive Bella to Canada, leave her with the mutt, and then drive back to slap you into reality."

I tried very hard not to laugh – and failed. I was muffling it with my hand when I realized I just lost my whole 'mad at Alice' façade. I never was good at acting …

"Sorry," I apologized, suddenly realizing how hurt Edward was by Alice's bogus threat.

"Bella, no," Alice commanded, holding her palm out to me, as if to stop. "He doesn't deserve your presence. Sorry, Jasper," she said, turning briefly towards him. "Bella and _I_ are spending the rest of the afternoon together." She turned sharply and began to storm up the stairs.

I took one fleeting, apologizing glance, back at Edward, before slipping out from under his arm and sliding off his lap. I began walking hesitantly towards the stairs until Alice snapped my name from the floor above. Then, I ran up the stairs.

I suffered an afternoon full of torturous makeovers galore. My scalp ached, my skin was dry, and my nails had to have at _least_ nine coats of nail polish. Finally, it was seven, and Alice allowed me to go home.

I got down the stairs and said goodbye to Emmett and Jasper, whose eyes were glued to the TV. I doubt they'd heard me. I turned to tell Edward it was time to go when he sighed. The first noise that issued from his mouth for two whole days.

He put his hand on the small of his back and pushed me forward out the front door. He opened my car door for me, kissing my forehead as I sat down, and then slowly, at a human pace, walked ot his door.

He turned the car on and glided out of the driveway and onto the highway – the low stereo making the faintest sound through the silence.

We we going slowly down the road – only about sixty or seventy.

He sighed again.

"Ed-" I began, but he held up his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said. My eyes shone with emotion as my tears welled. He talked. I breathed, feeling like my throat had been constricted these past two days.

"It was foolish of me to act so childishly for something that I had _meant_ to happen actually happen. I should have explained what it all really meant." His face remained forward but it wasn't tense or unemotionless like usual when he tried avoiding my gaze. It was upset, as if something bad happened.

"There's a deeper meaning to it, then?" I asked. He nodded. I waited in silence for him to answer. Finally, he sighed again.

"It really did bother me, when you first told me. That night I _was_ being childish about it, not talking to you. However, after you'd fallen asleep, I ran home. I needed to vent – just for a little while. I realized a couple hours later I was feeling human. I was feeling … jealous." I inhaled a bit sharply, though I doubt _he_ even heard it. I could never imagine Edward _jealous._ He always gave me a choice, wanted me to be happy no matter what. But, jealous? Never.

"So what changed it?" I prompted.

"Alice," he stated. I looked confusedly at him as we were just entering the border of Forks. "You see, she had a vision about you. And … it's been worrying me, making me think harder than usual – and I think pretty hard as it is, mind you."

"What was it?" I asked, entranced.

"Nothing," he said simply, pouting and shrugging, showing it's unimportance.

"Edward _Anthony_," I began to say his name.

"Not _nothing,_ Bella. Literally – she saw nothing."

"_Wolves,_" I whispered. I gasped. That means only one thing – "Jacob." He nodded gravely. "When?" I asked in no more than a whisper.

"She knows it's at night, and soon. That's why I think … tonight …"

"Oh, Edward," I cried, throwing my arms around him. Normally, my posture would greatly compromised a drive to the extent of causing an accident. However, my wonderful love of my life, the vampire that he is, managed to pat my back while barely veering off his perfect cruise down the road.

"Bella, this is not my fight. You promise me. You will choose what YOU want, no matter who you might hurt." At this, I went into hysterics.

I hadn't cried in two days, probably because Edward hadn't tried to convince me he was no good. I hated when he said that. Didn't he know, I only wanted him. Didn't he know, people _would_ get hurt. No matter what. I sighed.

We reached home and he carried me to the door. I was set on my feet and he was suddenly gone. I managed to get through the door and up to my room without Charlie needing a verbal response. Luck was with me.

I reached my bed and collapsed onto a stone blanket that automatically wrapped itself around me, consoling me.

It was around ten when I'd woken up. I cried so hard I was exhausted and managed to crash for a couple of hours.

"Better?" Edward asked me.

"_Hardly_," I whined. "It's still night and I still have to see him."

"Sorry," he said, shrugging, not really meaning it. I slapped him playfully and he looked at the clock.

"Don't go," I pleaded.

"If it is tonight – I should. It would be … more suitable." I pouted.

He stood up to leap out my window, but not before leaning down over to me to kiss my lower lip that was still stuck out in a pout. Why did he have to be _so_ sexy at the worst moment?

He walked to the window and turned to wink once, then leaped out and disappeared. I suddenly felt more alone than ever. I had no guidance, no help. What was I going to do? What was I going to say?

I groaned and flopped down onto my bed, intertwining myself in and out of the covers, waiting. I heard Charlie snore from the room across the hall and I knew he was already asleep, probably since before I woke up.

I wasn't tired, just frightened. I rested my eyes, dreading the – possibly – approaching moment.

Suddenly I heard a low exhale. I shot up and saw Jake panting in front of my window.

"_Jake_!What the hell!" I accused, pretending to be surprised.

"Oh, please, Bella. Like you didn't know?" he said with venom in his tone.

"Well if you're going to speak to me like _that_ …" I trailed off, suggesting he'd leave.

"Fine, I think I just might. Canada was better than this any day."

"Oh, _grow up_, Jacob," I said, rolling my eyes. He was impossible. "You can't just run away from everything."

He then muttered something indistinct, though it sounded along the lines of, "I could try."

"Jacob, why, _why_ did you run away?" I begged him.

"I-I was _afraid_, Bella," he admitted, sinking to his knees.

I crawled to the end of my bed and leaned over to hug him, to console him. That was a mistake.

He sniffled, not actually crying, but being melodramatic, and suddenly choked. He made a face of disgust – or at least I assume it was, being in pitch blackness – and pushed me away. I fell backwards and hit my head on the wall.

"Ow," I murmured, rubbing my already sore head.

"Sorry, forget my own strength," he said. He sighed and dragged himself to sit on the end of my bed.

"What you're going to push me and then try and suck up?" I asked, angry.

"Do you remember the last time we were in this bed, Bella?" he asked, not looking my way.

"Don't you distract me, Jacob Black!" I did remember … but I didn't want to.

"Fine. It's because you smell _bad_. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't think you'd … you'd _choose_," he hardly whispered the last word..

"Oh, Jake," I mumbled, moving closer and hugging him from the side.

He patted my head. "It's ok, Bella. I should have known."

"Known _what_?" I asked.

"That you'd choose him," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Why would you have known that?" I demanded, getting angry.

"Because, look at me," he said, gesturing slightly to himself.

"You're crazy, Jacob Black. There is _nothing_ wrong with you. I've told you before and I'll tell you again. You are beautiful."

He laughed silently, heaving his great body and nudging me. "Last time you said 'sort of' beautiful …" I nodded to myself, but realized he couldn't see in the darkness. He sighed. "If you think I am 'beautiful,' why not me?" he asked sadly. This only made it worse.

"Because, Jake. I love you. I do. That's it – I said it. It's just … I love him …"

"More," he muttered, finishing my sentence.

"I'm sorry Jake, I truly am. It's just, when I'm not around him, I … I can't _breathe._ I – I _need_ him," I said, starting to breath heavier as I realized he wasn't around.

"Do you hear that, Bella?" he asked. "Listen –" I sat quietly, listening. All I heard was my own breaths.

"I don't hear anyth-"

"You're breathing," he stated. I slapped him, hurting myself more than him.

"What?" he asked. "It's true!"

"Leave it to you to be an ass. Would you just _grow_ _up_ already?"

"How many times can you say that in one night?" he asked.

"How many are you going to make me say it?" I challenged. He chuckled lightly.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I leaned on his arm, hugging him slightly as he just sat there. Finally, he spoke.

"So it's final?" he asked.

"Edward, you mean?" I asked. I felt the movement through his body as he nodded. I sighed.

"Well if that's not a yes, I have no idea what is." I scowled at him, though he didn't catch it. He sighed again. "I'll miss this."

"What?" I asked.

"This," he said. I felt his arms move as he gestured between himself and me.

"I know, Jake. I know," I whispered. We sat in silence again before he growled lowly, minutes later.

"I should go," he said.

"You don't have to," I almost pleaded.

"Certain people down below? They wouldn't like it very much if I stayed." I sighed, pulling away from Jake as he stood up.

"I'm sorry," I said, again, enforcing the fact that I truly was.

"I know you are. Oh well, I really do have to go. I'll miss you."

"Jake, please don't! I don't want you to leave again." No matter how much I loved Edward, I didn't think I'd be able to live without Jacob.

"It's fine, Bella," he said, getting closer to the window. "I've grown up." He stated it proudly, then smiled, the moonlight from the window reflecting off his grin.

"Love you," I whispered as he threw a leg over the sill.

"Not enough," he countered. And he was gone.

I frowned and sank back down onto my bed. I shoved my face into my pillow and began to cry silently. A minute later I was covered by my blanket and a cold arm wrapped around me as I felt my mattress depress next to me.

"Shh," he calmed me.

"Why?" I asked. "Why does it have to be this way?" I continued to sob, waiting for him to say "Because we're enemies" or "He's no good for you." I waited for five minutes in silence.

Finally, I heard a very low whisper. I doubted I was supposed to hear it. "I _don't_ know."

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Ok for some reason I really didn't like this chapter. Perhaps because it was really similar to NM. However, upon rereading this chapter like two months after I wrote it, I really like it a bit. I feel like it's genuinely Bella and Jacob. Idk I'll stop ranting now. )**

**( PS : You guys missed the early update by 1 review! Get 75 by Friday night and I'll update early, promise! )**

**( Read and review! )**


	13. Double Take

_Chapter Twelve : Double Take_

"Yes, Bella, we _have_ to," he clarified as we drove. I continued to whimper in the passenger seat, dreading the approaching moment.

"But-"

"No. You are going to do this and you are going to survive."

"But-"

"Promise," he said, once more before kissing me with his icy lips. I felt a bit better, though I still frowned. He got out of the car and opened my door for me. I folded my arms and sat there, refusing to get out.

"Bella, please, be reasonable," he begged, tugging lightly on my arm. Even if I didn't unfold it so he could pull me out, he'd have gotten me out sooner or later.

He closed the door and led me to the house with one hand on my lower back and the other grasping one of mine own for support.

"But-"

"Bella, do you want _me_ to say it?" Edward challenged. I shook my head eagerly. I had to do this, I knew that. I just … couldn't.

We reached the front door and I took a deep breath. It was unlocked because _I_ was expected – we walked straight in.

"Hello?" he called out, from another room. I heard footsteps as he moved from the other room towards the kitchen. He didn't really look at me, being headed straight for the fridge.

"Hey, Bella!" he called. I smiled half-heartedly. He walked past the door way. I assumed he froze when out of sight, for he then backed up slowly, doing a double take.

He stiffened. "Edward," he greeted Edward coldly – how ironic.

"Hello. I haven't seen you in a while," Edward lied politely. Edward saw him just the other day, in fact, even if _he_ didn't know it.

"I didn't know you were bringing _him_." His hands were shaking slightly. I looked up at Edward quick who had a set face – what must he be thinking?

"Ugh!" I screamed. "Can't you two just get _along_?" I demanded.

"Nope," he said, looking smug.

"But-" I began.

"It's fine, Bella. I understand he doesn't like my presence," Edward said.

"You got that right!" he laughed. I was about to reprimand him when he saved himself. "Cool down, Bella, I was only joking!"

"Were you?" I dared him.

"Nope," he said, popping his 'P.'

"_Dad_," I whined.

"What? I'm just expect to welcome the jerk who broke your heart back into my home?" he demanded in a grumbly roar, more force in his voice.

I saw the slightest flicker of pain flash across Edward's face when he was reminded of the pain he caused from his absence.

"I forgave him, Dad," I corrected him. "Edward and his family just moved back. Obviously I knew immediately, having been out with Alice," he still had no problem with Alice, actually _encouraging _my time spent with her.

"How convenient," Charlie said through gritted teeth.

"Esme didn't fare well with California and Carlisle's job was alleged to be greater than it was. Alice really was just visiting - had no clue we decided to come back."

Charlie flashed a face that mocked happiness in a sickening way before continuing his way to the fridge.

"Well, it doesn't matter, because you're grounded, now. You're not allowed any visitors," he directed at me.

"What?" I whined.

"Please, be reasonable, Charlie. I return and you punish Bella?" Edward asked as we walked into the kitchen. Charlie thought about it for a second. Then he nodded happily, looking maniacal.

"_Dad_," I whined, dragging out the word.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I obviously failed in teaching you how to deal with ass holes who think they can do whatever they want," he said calmly, opening a soda to drink.

"Dad! Stop it!" I hated it when he went out of his way to be rude for Edward's sake, though the situation was just as I had dreaded. "I forgave Edward, ok? He made a mistake and I forgave him!" I was screaming at him. Edward didn't deserve all this.

"It's fine," Edward said, pulling my arms down – I had unknowingly thrown them up in the air in frustration. "I was foolish, and I hurt you, Bella. No-" he said, seeing I was about to excuse him. "I hurt you. I know I did. I spend every moment with you hoping you won't realize I'm terrible, hoping you won't leave me."

"You really should listen to him, Bells. He fears very _good_ ideas." I threw a dirty look at my father. This had gone from being between Charlie and me to something between Edward and me.

"I'm sorry," Edward said, again, pushing hair behind my ear and staring intently into my eyes. I knew he meant it, even though we'd been through this already.

"I know," I muttered, staring back.

"Ugh!" Charlie said, throwing his arms in the air and walking into the other room. "Disgusting," he muttered, talking about Edward and me.

"He's _impossible_," I said, happy it was over.

"That's just what he says and does. His mind has much more detailed – and vulgar – thoughts of my return, and things he wish he could do to me." I sighed again.

"Could we go back to your house?" I asked. He nodded. We turned to walk out and I called to my dad.

"I'll be back later."

"Where do you think you're going?" he roared, sprinting into the doorway.

"To Edward's house."

"Oh, no, missy. I told you that you are grounded!" he shouted. I had enough.

"You know what dad? Edward hasn't been home since today. I didn't forgive him today. He came back six days ago when you were at work. I forgave him the next day and I'd spent every day since with him! Alice was just a decoy!" I yelled.

"But Bella, you were with Jake that day," he said quietly, confused. His face suddenly assembled into shock. "What happened with Jake?" he demanded, furious. "Did you hurt him!?"

"_No_," I whined. This only got worse. "_He _broke up with _me_," I said, stressing the pronouns.

"I don't believe it," Charlie said quietly to himself.

"Well, believe it. Edward came back and Jacob flipped, thinking I was going to automatically go straight to him. If he hadn't done or said anything he did that day, I might have given him a second chance. But I love Edward and _everyone_ is going to have to deal with it!"

I felt terrible, having to bring that up. But it was true. If Jacob didn't act as he did – even if it was much different then I made it out to be, for Charlie's sake - it was true. He practically pushed me away.

"Now, if you have a problem, I'm leaving. I'll be back later tonight." I stormed out, pulling an embarrassingly confused Edward with me.

We reached his car and I let go, waiting for him to unlock the doors. When he did and I climbed inside I demanded for him to drive, and he did.

"Do you really want to go back to my house?" he asked quietly after we turned off my street.

"No," I grumbled. He nodded.

Thirty minutes later I found myself outside the Italian restaurant that looked all too familiar. He opened my car door, pulling me out gently and leading me up to the restaurant's door.

He acted very gentlemanly as he asked for a table and led me through the restaurant to the exact, exclusive booth we ate at before.

Finally, after the waiter who lead us there left, he hugged me tight and kissed my head. Then he let go of everything but one hand that he held on to as we sat across from each other.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. I've loved you since I first told you and nothing you can ever say will stop me," he promised.

"What if it isn't something I say?" I asked. "What if it's something I feel?" I looked down, upset.

"Bella, I know you love Jacob. I know he's a part of you that, no matter how hard I might try, I can't get rid of. I've come to accept that and want you to know that, if you ever chose diff-"

"Never," I gasped. He set his face, waiting to see if I'd interrupt again. When I didn't he continued.

"If you ever chose differently, I'd be okay with that. I'd still love you, even if you didn't want me."

"Please," I begged. He allowed me to continue, so I did. "Please, never say that again. I don't deserve you and I don't deserve your grace."

He was about to speak when a waitress sashayed her way over. I wasn't even in the mood to throw her a dirty look or anything.

"Can I help you?" she asked Edward. What was it with people who worked here!?

"No," Edward said, blatantly. She looked affronted. He finally tore his eyes off of mine to turn to her. "You could clearly see I was having a conversation with my _fiancée_," he stressed the word for the waitress, but brought on a wave of nausea for myself, "from your juvenile hiding spot and couldn't wait until we were done? I'll wave to you when I need your help, thanks very much."

My mouth would have normally hung open in shock, if not for the reality of the situation. _Fiancée._

"Bella?" he asked me, uncertainly, when the waitress left. "Are you ok?"

I gulped. "Fiancée," I repeated my dread. He sighed deeply.

"Bella, we've already talked about this. You agreed you'd marry me and I agreed I'd change you."

"We never … officially … agreed on _anything_ …" I gulped.

He sighed, looking down and untangling out hands. I frowned at the gesture. To make matters worse, he waved over at the waitress who stormed unhappily over.

"What?" she demanded.

"Give me two orders of ravioli, please," he asked. She nodded unhappily and stalked off. Five minutes later, she returned with the plates.

"I can't eat that much," I said quietly, afraid because I knew he was mad about the whole … _matrimony_ thing.

He waited until the waitress was completely out of earshot. "I know you can't. Just because it doesn't satisfy me, just because it makes me sick, just because I'll be puking for hours later," he said, dramatically building, picking up a fork as my mouth hung open, "doesn't mean I can't eat it," he finished simply, plopping a ravioli in his mouth and swallowing easily.

The rest of the time, we hardly spoke. Only ate. He casually commented about the food – mostly how horrible it tasted – until he ordered soda, being daring.

"I know you're enjoying this," he joked lightly, picking up the soda to finish his second cup off. I hadn't given a full verbal response since the ravioli arrived.

"Mmm?" was all I said as I continued to eat quietly. Edward sighed and put down his fork – his plate was licked clean and he had begun on mine.

"I'll get the check," he said, waving at the waitress who came over and gave it to him, then turned on her heel and walked off without saying anything.

He put a fifty and a twenty in the envelope that held the bill. Even though I didn't see the check, I was sure the pasta couldn't have cost over thirty dollars, even that much would be pushing it.

Edward got up and I followed suit. We were exiting and passed our waitress near the front of the restaurant when Edward called, "The change is your tip." She gave him a look, expecting a few cents. I would pay to see her face when she opened the envelope.

We were in the car ride home, still completely silent, when we neared Forks.

"My house?" he asked, turning left rather than right. I didn't think I had a choice. I was about to say something, but his silver cell phone was already at his ear the next second.

"Alice," he said, hushed. "I'm kidnapping Bella. Charlie needs an excuse." He hung up. I doubt the conversation lasted even thirty seconds.

We arrived at his house and, for what felt like the millionth time, when he opened his door I simply sat with my arms crossed, staring out the front windshield.

He sighed and leaned down to scoop me up into his arms. He kicked the door shut and smiled at me, trying to make things better. I simply glared back, worse than ever.

"_What_?" he asked, weary of my anger.

"_Matrimony_," I muttered through my gritted teeth, motioning to my current wedding-style carry position with my eyes.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes. It seemed like he was almost trying to subdue his anger.

The next second, I was outside his room. I took a deep breath, the fast movements always caught me off guard, but my eyes were open and I seemed to miss them all.

First, he set me down on my feet, and then opened his bedroom door, slinked inside, and closed it. I was confused. I was about to call for him, or knock, when he opened it.

He led me inside by the hand and the couch was replaced by the wrought iron bed I'd know once before.

"Sit," he begged.

I eyed the bed uncertainly. Beds were used for two things. And Edward _didn't_ sleep. I sighed internally – he wants to get married first, I reminded myself.

I sat obligingly, however at a distance.

"What's so wrong with marriage?" he asked me, straight out.

I sighed. "Where do I begin?"

* * *

** Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. The waiter and the waitress was mine own creation, though relatively related to the one in Twilight. **

** AN : Idk how you like it. I really didn't expect them to end up the Italian restaurant at all. I originally had no idea what I was writing for this chapter, but then it all of a sudden just flowed out. Also, I know Charlie's reaction was mucho less than the book, and then it really should be, but, like, remember she didn't go to **_**Italy**_** for three days in this story. Plus Edward said Charlie's ****mind**** was much worse. He was just being sane for Bella. PS - This is the chapter with the least spelling mistakes so far - only three! :)**

** Read and review! **


	14. Bling Bling and Babysitting

_Chapter Thirteen : Bling bling and Babysitting_

After conveying to Edward my reasons why marriage is an unnecessary step in my human life, I have spent the past two hours reinforcing it.

Edward was lying on his back on the bed and his feet on the floor, asking me intermittently, over and over again, "Pretty please?" Sometimes, he liked to vary.

"Please?"

"No."

"Preaseee?"

"No."

"Pwetty pwease?"

"Ugh, no!" I pulled the pillow I was trying to 'suffocate' myself with off my head and pulled into a kneeling position. I hovered over Edward's head, watching his face upside down.

"Read my lips: No."

"_Read_ your lips?" he asked slyly. I turned my head to the side slightly, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, _read my lips_," I repeated, confused.

He reached his hands up to grab my face and pull it towards his. He kissed me. I put my hands on each side of his face too, beginning to focus on his lower lip, when a small voice in the back of my head brought me back to reality. _NO!_ it said. _Don't let him win this one_.

I pulled away, gasping.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, bending up slightly and turning his body to face me.

"Nothing," I muttered.

"Okay, I might not be able to _read_ you mind, but I know when there's something on it."

I shook my head childishly, keeping my mouth firmly shut. I didn't even trust myself.

He sighed, then pulled himself up to kneel on the bed. He was less than a foot away and eye level, breathing his scent all over me and capturing my with his intoxicating gaze. My breathing was interrupted and ragged. I blinked a few times to regain my head – and failed.

"So what was it you were thinking, then?" he asked magically, cocking his head to the side slightly, _knowing_ he was dazzling me. If I had a cool head, I probably would have smacked him.

"How I don't want to wait till we get married …" I whispered, still 'intoxicated,' as he once put it.

"For what?" he asked, now stroking my knee slightly. Even through my jeans it felt wonderful. I was beginning to think that _he_ didn't want to wait, either.

"To give myself … to you," I said, embarrassed.

"Are you not already mine?" His voice was still mesmerizing and I couldn't tear my gaze from his eyes.

"Not completely," I muttered, leaning in a bit.

Everything clicked. He suddenly understood what … what I _wanted_. He leaned back and even pushed me back a bit. I was closer to the edge than he thought and I tumbled off in a heap. It didn't hurt much, but woke me up to my senses.

"_Bella_," he sighed, still on the topic of my desires. "Bella, Bella, Bella," he whispered, pulling me up on the bed. I pushed him away, climbing off, ruffled.

"What?" he asked. "Please, sit."

"No," I said, stubbornly.

"Why not?" he asked.

"What's the point of a bed in a house where no one sleeps!?" I demanded.

"Rose and Emmett have a bed, and Jasper and Alice, and Carlisle and Esme," he tried to reason.

"And none of them sleep," I said.

"Nope," he confirmed.

"So what do you think they _use_ those beds for, huh?" I asked defensively.

He didn't say anything. He made a weird face – I wanted to know what he was thinking so badly – but recollected quickly into a calm façade.

"That's different. I didn't mean anything like that, it's just –"

"You're tongue-tied," I said, incredulous and accusing.

"No …" He was caught.

"Then why would you get a bed?" I challenged.

"You sleep here often, do you not?" he asked.

"I have a bed of mine own I can sleep in, Edward. I don't need yours." I raised my eyebrow, showing him he was cornered – there was no way out.

We glared at each other for minutes on end, waiting for the other to cave in, to surrender. The whole time I stared, I focused – really focused – on his eyes. Their deep blackness made the guilt, the accusation he faced, ten times worse. It reminded me of trying to stare down a puppy.

"Edward," I sighed. He looked triumphant, like I was about to give in. "You need to hunt," I told him.

He was confused, surprised at what I said – he wasn't expecting it. He thought for a second. "Will you be okay?" he asked, knowing how likely I was to break down. I nodded, not having the voice to convey words that would send him away.

"I promise I'll be back," he said. I nodded again.

I sunk onto the bed, extremely sad. I didn't want to send him away, but I did. I was trying hard not to cry – not yet. Waiting, for him to leave, to miss my pain.

"_Bella._" A velvety cool voice whispered in my ear, making the hair on the back of my neck tingle and sending a shiver down my spine. I turned to look at him when he slid a hand over my eyes. I was about to question him when he hushed me.

"I love you, Bella, you know that, right?" I nodded. I felt him slide from kneeling behind me to the floor in front of me, all the while holding his hand over my eyes. I sat on the edge of the bed with my hands crossed in my lap, waiting. He was going to apologize, make up excuses, tell me it wasn't time, I knew he would.

He slowly slid his hand off my eyes and I gasped unevenly, the tears officially flowing.

"Bella?" he asked, uncertain of my reaction. He was on one knee, his hands enclosed, wrapped around something I couldn't see. I couldn't nod, I just cried silently. "Bella, I want to do this right, okay?" he asked, sternly. I managed to nod, whimpering nondescriptly.

"Isabella Swan, would you marry me?" he asked, holding out a black velvet box.

I opened my mouth and the noise was added to the cry. I couldn't keep control.

"Please?" he asked, playing off our earlier conversation. I laughed wetly and nodded unwillingly. "This means you have to accept a gift from me, Bella. Can you do that?" I shook my head and he smirked. "Promise I didn't spend one dime on it. That better?"

I couldn't control my thoughts. My head was spinning and I could hardly breathe, choking on tears. He sighed slightly and, in what seemed like a slow motion replay, opened the box that was as velvety as his voice.

I waited for the moment where I was momentarily blinded by the shine of the conspicuous rock, like in the movies. It didn't come. I saw a simple gold band, the face containing one diamond surrounded by five little diamonds on one side and a golden swirl on the other, set in which was another five _littler_ diamonds.

I breathed slowly, the tears slowing and the noise gone. I reached my hand out towards the accursed thing and stroked the side of it lightly. Edward's face went from a depressive frown to pure joy at my acceptance.

"It's lovely," I sighed. He reached his empty hand out to pull it out of its little velvet niche. I drew back.

"_Please_, Bella," he asked. "Do it _for me_." He didn't play fair. He knew, after those words, I _had _to comply.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. I felt him slide the cool metal onto my finger and I counted to ten. Then, I opened my eyes.

It really wasn't that terrible – not that I'd ever let _him_ know that. I moved my hand a bit to see the light sparkle off the diamonds. It remind me of him, when he sparkled …

"It was my mother's," he said quietly. I looked up in shock. It was so beautiful, so old, so _Edward_.

We leaned into each other and he kissed me passionately. No matter how much I hated to admit it, the whole idea of _marriage_ wasn't that bad. I mean, I get Edward for eternity, after all. That's not that bad. Not at all.

He pulled away and rested his head against mine, panting and still holding the back of my head.

"I have to go," he said, and he pulled away in a snap.

"Wait," I called after him.

"Esme, Rose, and Jasper are waiting. They're coming hunting with me."

"I love you," I said. He smiled very big, showing his triumph and fled out.

I sighed, reappraising the ring. It wasn't bad. Plus, he didn't waste any money on it. It was his mother's. It was beautiful. However, I still wasn't ready for it. I slid it off my finger, noticing how it was a perfect fit, and placed it gently in the box. I then closed the box with a small _snap_ and sighed.

Edward was gone and I was getting _married_. This was going to be just _awesome_. I got up, placing the box on a side table, and walked out of his room to find my babysitters.

I slowly made my way through the halls and down the stairs, feeling like everything around me was surreal. This was it. I was going to marry Edward. I was going to join him, his family.

I got no further than half way down the main stairs when I heard a large squeal and saw a flash of black that dragged me down the rest. I came to face an overly eager Alice. Emmett got up off the couch and strided over.

"So?" Alice asked. When I didn't answer, confused, she grabbed my left hand and lifted it up to examine it closely. Emmett bent over to see the empty finger, too.

"Shing, sparkle, sparkle," Emmett said. Alice glared up at him.

"Where is it?" Alice demanded.

"That's one rock you got there, Bella. Alice, don't you see it?" He was laughing but Alice smacked him.

"Ok, fine, be that way," Emmett murmured, rubbing his arm where she hit him.

"Where'd it go?" Alice demanded again, getting angry. "I saw it happen, so spill!"

"He gave it to me," I told her. "But I put it back in the box for now. It's too much all at once."

She looked upset at something, then began thinking. Emmett wandered away as I waited for whatever was brewing inside Alice's head.

"Bella?" Alice asked, almost uncertainly. It looked like she was trying to measure my expression.

"Yes?" I asked, just as uncertain.

"Will you –" she began, then took a deep breath. "Would you let me do your wedding?" She rushed the words out, looking up at me eagerly like a child in a toy store.

I groaned. "_Alice_."

"Oh, _please_, Bella! It's almost the only human experience you'll allow yourself to have before you're changed and you won't let me have fun? _Please_?"

I sighed, thinking about it. It _would_ make Alice happy …

"Yes!" she screamed, already seeing it. She ran off, skipping up the stairs to begin a new torture I brought upon myself.

"You're gonna die," Emmett sang, referring to Alice's keenness to go overboard.

"Thanks," I grumbled, sitting next to him on the couch. I didn't pay attention to the TV.

"C'mon, you're gonna be my sister!" he said, trying to cheer me up. "I know that's the real reason you did it. Edward means nothing, right?" he joked.

I laughed. "You know it, Emmett."

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : I personally think I could have done better on this chapter, and yet I can't. Oh well I'm satisfied. And yes I know this chapter is rather out of character for the rest of the story, having much more humor than any of the others combined. But just wait, I can bring the morbid! Oh yeah, and the **"Shing, sparkle, sparkle,"** is from Spongebob haha. Again, on rereading this one a couple weeks later, I think it's pretty ok. Idk what **_**you**_** think, though … )**

**( Read and review! )**

**( C'mon people, I know 42 of you have me on alert and I think 19 have me on favorites and I know a lot more read. Please, please, PLEASE take just two seconds to review. You can just put a smiley face - or a frowny face - for all I care. Pweaseee?? :) Haha it's just like the chapter. )**


	15. Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, and Dress Sh

_Chapter Fourteen : Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, and Dress Shops_

The wedding was official. August 13, 2008. I took a deep breath, something I had to do every time I thought of it.

Telling Renée was … more than stressful. It was a bombshell waiting to happen.

_FLASHBACK_

"Bella," she said. "I … I saw it coming."

"Why didn't you tell me? It would have made everything easier."

"I'm sorry, it didn't really cross my mind. I didn't know how wound up you were about it all."

"ALICE!" I shouted. "It was three hours before I could hold back my tears and get the guts to call my mom, only then to find out she was disappointed that we didn't decide it sooner! How is that not a dead giveaway!?"

"Sorry?" Alice asked not really meaning it.

"Ugh, whatever. Now the stress is over."

"What do you mean _the stress is over_?" Alice practically screeched, looking frantic. "_Because_ you two couldn't have decided this sooner, I have to completely redesign the whole color scheme to complement Phil's cast! Next time, I don't care if anyone's hurt, their wearing what I already picked out!"

"Alice, no one told you you had to change the color of _everything_," I told her.

"I know," she said, high strung. The aura of insanity officially followed Alice everywhere these days.

_FLASHFORWARD_

I still have yet to forgive Alice for not sparing me hours on end of useless crying.

I sighed, still trying to grasp the fact that I was actually getting married in one month exactly. It shouldn't have been as surprising, seeing as I was currently in the car with Esme, Rose, and Alice, on our way to get the wedding party's dresses.

I had officially decided to make Alice my maid of honour. My bridesmaids were made up of Esme, Rose, Alice, my mom, and Angela. Angela was busy today and my mom wasn't coming in until the week of the wedding, so it was just the four of us.

I was in Alice's car, her beloved Porsche, on the way to Seattle – much to the guys' displeasure. Alice, the unnecessarily rich demon that she is, just _had_ to have custom designed bridesmaid dresses for me.

We reached the target mall in Seattle and Alice lead us straight up to a store named Saks Fifth Avenue. From what Esme told me, I gathered that calling it high class was an understatement.

Walking in, I passed a handbag that cost more than my car and shoes that cost more than my college housing. I don't want to even think how much the jewelry that we passed cost …

I followed Alice and Rose up the escalator with Esme behind me. Upon reaching the second floor, we were plagued with dresses that probably cost as much as the shoes we saw. I doubted that anyone who bought them wore them more than once.

Alice lead us right, to the opposite side of the department store. She walked quickly down a small aisle through the women's suits that lead to a pair of double doors that were propped open to a small, dim reception area with an unoccupied desk. Alice ignored the closed doors, flying straight through them. We turned a couple corners and found ourselves in a small hallway lined with glass doors that were lit up from within.

Alice finally slowed, not knowing which door to enter, when suddenly a women appeared out of no where. She was wearing a pinstripe pants suit with high heels. Her lips were puckered and highly glossed and her hair was blown dry straight, ending in a curl that grazed her shoulders. The lady looked thirty, but her wrinkles told me differently.

"Ms Cullen?" she asked Alice. Alice nodded, grinning broadly. "This way, she directed us, turning another corner. She lead us into a door that stood solitary on a wall – the inside of the room was huge.

It was no average dressing room. A wall-size three-way mirror was balanced off by a couch set into a niche in the opposite wall, flanked with built-in shelves on either side that held even _more_ designer clothes. On the back wall was a rack on which were the dresses, all enclosed in opaque white bags. In the center was a wooden platform circle that was topped with carpet that matched the floor.

Esme and Rose floated off to sit on the couch as I stood there stunned.

"Do you mind?" Alice asked. The lady nodded with the same sickening smile plastered on her face and left, closing the door behind her.

Alice squealed, jumping up and down.

"Turn around, Bella. I don't want you to see just yet," she commanded me. I sighed but complied. I folded my arms and tapped my foot while sighing loudly, trying to annoy Alice. I was trying hard not to notice the ridiculously expensive clothing that filled the shelves I now faced when Alice allowed me to turn.

I turned to find Rosalie standing on the circle platform, looking stunning, as usual. She donned a light gold, almost yellow, chiffon dress. It was strapless and ended an inch or two below her knees in a bubble. The top had silk strips that started at the waist and ended in sharp triangles along the bust line, adding a geometric edge to an otherwise flowing garment. It was lovely.

"Oh, _Alice_!" I gasped. She smiled excitedly and I walked over to hug her, still gazing at Rose. "It's _perfect_! The color – the dress – Rose – it's just wonderful!"

"I thought you'd like the color," Alice said, a little smug.

Jumping up and down in joy, I had Alice put on her dress, and Esme too. They all looked stunning. Perhaps the wedding wouldn't be all that terrible … No, I decided. It would be.

We wrapped the dresses back up in their garment bags and Alice paid for them – I tried not to listen or look at the computer when the overall total came up, I didn't want to know. Then we left the mall and began our drive home, Esme and Rose buzzing about the wedding as Alice added to the conversation every now and again.

It was truly happening. I was going to _marry_ Edward. I still couldn't grasp it. He was right though, I was being silly. I was terrified to face matrimony with the one I loved in less than a month while I was desperate for an undead eternity with him. I always told him there was something wrong with my brain.

We hadn't even parked yet at Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett were all waiting on the porch for us, making sure we didn't die.

We all got out of the car and Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett sighed, while Edward rushed to my side to hug me close and breathe in my scent.

"You survived," he sighed.

"Edward, it was terrible, I- we-" I began, making his eyes light up and almost pop as they bore into mine.

"What?" he asked, shooting an anxious glance at Alice but getting nothing.

"They … they … they _tried on dresses_!" I exclaimed through fake tears. Everyone started laughing but Edward. He let go of me, looking angry. In one quick motion, everyone else was gone, leaving just Edward and I in the yard.

"Bella," he sighed, disappointed with me. "Do you need to be reminded just how much you mean to me?"

"I understand," I said, walking forward and wrapping myself around his unwilling body. "But you have to understand I'm not going to drop dead every few seconds."

He didn't say anything and I thought I'd hurt his feelings. Looking up, I found him pensive.

"Edward?" I asked.

"I suppose you're right …" he trailed off.

"What?"

"Well, Jasper pointed out how badly I needed to hunt," he explained.

"When was the last time you went?" I practically reprimanded him as I realized the flat blackness of his eyes.

"The night I proposed …" He sounded like a guilty child who didn't do a chore.

"Edward," I yelled, slapping him playfully. It hurt, but I didn't let him know that.

He laughed and swung me up over his shoulder, accidentally knocking the wind out of me. However, he didn't notice.

As he ran up to his room with me over his shoulder, pounding his stone back with my fists, I regained my breath. We reached his room and I heard his door swing shut as he threw me down on my back on his bed, knocking the wind out of me _again_. This time, it was a good way.

"Bella," he sighed, leaning down over me. "I," he leaned down and kissed my left ear. "Will," he kissed my right ear "Think," he kissed my chin. "Of you," he kissed my forehead. "Every," he kissed me nose. His lips moved to my mouth and he said, "Second." Then he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me more, a goodbye. When he went to pull away slowly I leaned in once more to get a quick kiss and he smiled my favorite lopsided smile.

"Every second," he repeated. I smiled. He lifted his hand to close my eyelids and I obeyed. Then he kissed my forehead once more and I didn't feel his touch any longer. I opened my eyes, and he was gone.

Sighing, I got up and trudged downstairs to find Emmett contemplating my food.

"Is it really worth it?" he asked me, making me giggle.

A whole two days, away from Edward. What was I going to do? The idea struck like lightening.

"Hey, Emmett?" I asked casually, having a slight smirk on my face.

"Mmm?" he asked, now reading the ingredients on a pack of pasta.

"You don't suppose I could leave the house while Edward's gone? I mean Charlie's gonna wonder where I am, so I have to make an appearance," I coaxed him.

"Sure, go ahead," he said, waving his hand in my general direction. I repressed an urge to elbow the air as my plan worked.

I crept silently but quickly out of the house so Emmett didn't catch me too soon – he looked a little busy, so I don't think he would. I got to my truck, turned the key in the ancient ignition, and drove away.

I arrived at home and, pulling up to park on the side of the road, found that Charlie wasn't home. Perfect. Not only was he irritated about the wedding, but also that I refused to invite Jacob and Billy. It wasn't my choice, it was theirs. And I _knew_ they wouldn't come.

I decided that first I'd run inside and try to call, find out if they were even home. Then, I'd go to La Push. Hopefully. It all depended on whether I had the guts or not. I wasn't sure I had any.

I got out of my car – haphazardly, might I add. I stumbled out of the cab and pushed the door shut with a lot of force and it slammed shut, echoing across the trees. Something didn't feel right.

I walked as lithely as I could to the door. When I reached it I stood on tip toe and searched the eaves for the key. I couldn't feel it so I searched further across the eaves than it was usually kept, just to be sure. I heard a clink of metal behind me. I must have pushed it out, onto the concrete.

I turned around and bent down, searching for the key in the grass. Finally, I found it in between the corroding concrete and the lawn. I smiled to myself, triumphant. Then, I turned to put the key in the door.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed, dropping the key as my heart skipped a good four beats. I clutched my chest as I stumbled backwards a bit. He was laughing lowly. The sound was dark and brooding.

"What do you think _you're_ doing?" he asked, using the seductive tone that is one of the many weapons of his kind.

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : I like cliffies. Why? Because I know what happens/who it is, and you don't! :) Oh and BTW, I'm -not- sorry for the late-ish update. I forgot if I had to update tonight or tomorrow night. See, if you guys just go to the review count I asked for - this would happen! Now please, break 100 and I'll update SATURDAY NIGHT. )**

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	16. Pleading

_Chapter Fifteen : Pleading_

* * *

( Previous : "What do you think _you're_ doing?" he asked, subconsciously using the seductive tone that is one of the many weapons of his kind. )

* * *

I breathed heavy as he let out one last, low chuckle.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Did I _scare_ you?" he teased. I couldn't catch my breath to answer.

"That's fine. I'll leave you be. As long as you follow exactly what I tell you to do. Then, I won't be forced to hurt you."

I nodded slowly, obeying him.

"Don't do it," he said simply, leaning back against the locked door, crossing his arms.

"Don't do what?" I managed to exhale.

"You know what I mean," he said.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I don't," I lied.

"Oh, come _on_, Bella!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Alice called and told me your future disappeared. If you go to La Push, what am I going to tell Edward?" Emmett asked fruitlessly.

"Emmett," I whined. "I just want to _talk _to him. Please."

"And how do I know you'll come back? In one whole piece?" he challenged.

"You won't," I said sharply. "Besides – I thought you liked a challenge." I raised one eyebrow and I saw behind his emotionless mask the desire to take up a challenge.

"I might possibly break the treaty …" he mumbled to himself.

"Bet you you won't," I said. He looked confused, unsure. "I promise that if I come back fully alive, I'll cry my eyes out until Edward promises not to hurt and or kill you – crying always works."

"And if you're hurt?" he asked.

"If I'm _physically_ injured," I began, emphasizing the physical element of the pain I might receive, "then I'll … I'll …" I couldn't come up with a compromise.

"Play fetch?" he asked hopefully.

"Fetch is for dogs, Emmett," I said, confused.

"Yes, but you run much slower and funnier. And fall a lot," he said, lost in thought as he imagined me running after a ball. I sighed. If it got him off my back …

I made the deal with Emmett and called the Black house. Billy picked up.

"Hello?" he asked. I didn't answer. If he heard it was me, they would never let me in. "Hello? Hello?" he asked, getting impatient.

I was still iffy about going when a sentence confirmed my desire to go. "If there's no one there, just _hang up_, Dad," a deep voice issued from the background.

Jacob was home.

Running back out to my car, I got and idea half way across the lawn.

"Emmett?" I called. I saw his body shoot up from the passengers' seat where he was 'hiding.' "Can I borrow your car?" I asked. He nodded and climbed out of my car.

"On second thought – can I borrow the _quietest_ car you have?" He disappeared and came back, ten minutes later, with a black sports car whose motor was unheard even as I grabbed the handle of the driver's seat door.

I opened the door and he got out, but not before asking, "Why can't you use your truck?"

"The sound's conspicuous," I said, jumping in and slamming down on the gas pedal to zoom off before Emmett changed his mind. However, the car I borrowed was _nothing_ compared to mine own. I went from 0 to 140 in under thirty seconds. My stomach lurched and I slammed my foot on the brakes, stopping short exactly where I was. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Emmett bent forward, clutching his stomach in laughter.

I zoomed towards La Push – not as fast as before – and made it in record time. The quiet engine hardly purred as I crept the car into the Black's dirt driveway. I turned the car off and popped the door open a crack – both noiselessly.

Before I got out, my eyes drifted forward, down the driveway, in the direction of the makeshift garage. I felt … weak. The memories there were incredible and … unfulfilling. I felt like I needed more.

I took a deep breath and walked up the steps onto the worn porch and knocked lightly on the door three times. I heard a groan from inside and the groan of couch springs. I eliminated Billy from a possible candidate as who would open the door.

Even though, after the wooden door was opened, the screen added to my inability to see into the dark house, I could tell the tall shadow on the other side was Jacob.

"Bella," he exhaled, surprised. I couldn't tell if it was a good surprisese or not. We stood there for about a minute, just staring at each other. Then, in one swift movement, he shut the door quickly. I groaned

"Jacob Black," I yelled, beginning to bang on the screen door, "You open the door this instant!" I continued to bang and yell for a good five minutes when something caught my eye.

I could have sworn I saw the tattered drapery in the window to my left move, but when I turned to investigate, it was still. I sighed and turned back to continue my pursuit but I found the wooden door open a crack. The light from the sky behind me reflected off a dark brown eye.

"Jacob," I sighed – almost whined. "Please?" I pleaded. "Jacob I just want to talk. Please."

He sighed silently then swung the door open, standing a couple feet away from the screen door. I mistook his sign and reached out my hand to pull the screen door open, but I found it was dead-bolted.

"Jacob," I whined again.

"What do you want, Bella?" he asked forcefully in his unnaturally deep tone.

"I want to talk to you, Jacob. I want to … I want to apologize," I confessed.

"Apologize for what?" True curiosity filled his voice.

I sighed and looked up with him with round eyes that were swelling with tears. He sighed and rolled his eyes at no one in particular, then hesitantly unlocked the deadbolt.

I smiled wistfully then entered. When I walked into the dark house, Jacob just turned to face me, still standing right next to the door, his arms crossed. His overall posture told me I wasn't here for long.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry that everything changed. I'm … I-"

"Bella," he said, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. I waited, looking up into his face hopefully. Finally, he removed his hand from over his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose for a couple seconds, then sighed deeply.

"Yes?" I asked, no longer holding patience.

"Bella," he said, opening his eyes. "I still love you. I never really stopped."

I was frozen with shock. All the hate, all the pushing me away. It was a lie?

"Not this again," I breathed out slowly.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he blurted out, shaking his hands. "I don't mean to be like … like … _him_. I did it for you! You were hurting, I was no good for you. Besides, as a wolf, I was bound to hurt you and I did. I don't care if you healed," he said, sensing my desire to cut in, "that was just once. What if it happens again?"

"Jake," I managed to get out, exasperated. "You're _nothing_ like him. You've both left me, and for the same reason." He looked extremely confused at my words and I held up a finger, telling him not to speak so I could explain.

"He left me before not because he stopped loving me, but because he was afraid he'd hurt me. He told me that he'd never be able to live with himself if he ever did hurt me. You did the same thing as him – you were just keeping me in mind.

"And that last part's a lie. You _are_ good for me. In my darkest time, you were the light of my life. You made me happy when all others gave up hope. Charlie thought I'd gone crazy, but you saved me. You brought me back to reality, helped me live again."

"But hardly," he finally cut in. "You were always trying to hold yourself together, never allowing yourself to remember. I was good, but not good enough. I couldn't fulfill you completely. Do you know how much that killed me? I threw myself at you constantly and you always needed someone else."

"That was never your fault, Jake." I couldn't hold back the tears now. They slowly ebbed their way out of the corner of my eye. "It was my fault. If I wasn't so attached to something that was never certain, I wouldn't have been so terrible. I shouldn't have used you like that, you're better than I ever treated you."

"Bella," he sighed. He looked down with a complex expression. He was trying to figure something out, I was sure. "Bella?" he asked. "Do you still love me?"

"Terribly," I said, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. "I never really thought about it as much as I have these past few days and I realized I can't live without you as much as I can't live without _him_."

His face stretched into a broad grin that had a hint of sadness behind it. On a sudden impulse, he staggered forward and cupped my jaw. Looking into my eyes once, he then leaned forward and kissed me. I wrapped my arms up around his neck and deepened the kiss.

Part of me screamed for more. _This is it_, it said. _This is what you can't live without and you know it. He's your sun, isn't he? Everyone needs the sun. _Part of me screamed for it to stop. _You're marrying Edward! He's the one you love! _But is he?

My mind raced as we kissed. Edward or Jacob? Vampire or werewolf? Heroin or a friend? Edward said it himself – vampires have distractions. How do I know he told the truth about what he did when he was away? How do I know he still loved me when he came back? How do I know he loves me now?

How do I know … if he'll change me? He never actually promised me that. In fact, on the few rare occasions we discussed it, he was totally against it. Ever since I agreed to marry him we didn't mention it once either. What was I getting out of this deal? The chance to _maybe_ go further than first base with Edward.

"Jacob?" I asked, breaking apart and leaning my forehead against his chin.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"I don't want to get married," I sighed. It was true. If my side of the deal wasn't set in stone, was it worth it? If I had to even _make_ a deal about getting married I _know_ it shouldn't have been worth it.

"_What_?" he asked, pulling me away to hold me at arms length. His eyes were practically popping out of his head. "You're _marrying_ that leech?"

"I don't want to, so no. Not anymore." I was still a little unsure – my stomach felt nauseous from all the pressure of choosing my immediate future and I felt a little light headed.

"So who _do_ you want to marry?" Jacob asked seductively as he leaned in to kiss me again. He stopped less than an inch away and his eyelashes blinked across my cheek.

"No one," I practically moaned. "Not yet." He kissed me again.

However, our kiss was broken with the shrill ring of the phone. Jake broke us apart and sighed, blinking once more against my cheek before lumbering off to the kitchen to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" he asked. There was a pause when he listened the person on the other line. "_Yes_," he snarled. "I'm with her." I'd bet my entire, measly, college fund it was Edward, or at least another Cullen. "We're perfectly fine, thanks –" but he was cut off and I heard a sharp intake of breath. "No problem," he finally said after five minutes, sounding suddenly desperate.

I heard the crash of plastic on plastic as Jake hung up the phone. As I saw him walking back over to me – jogging, practically – I heard another crash. The phone fell of the wall.

"Let's go," Jake said, grabbing my arm and dragging me out the door to the garage.

"Where're we going?" I asked, confused. What was going on?

"Into hiding," he told me. We passed the Rabbit which was park on the dirt path.

"We're hiding in the shed?" I asked.

He laughed without humor. His face was set, determined. "No, Bella," he reprimanded me. "We need the motorcycles."

"M-m-motor se-cycles?" I stammered.

"They're faster," he said.

We reached the garage and he practically threw me over the seat of mine and then tossed me my helmet as he jumped onto his own.

"You remember how to ride it?" he asked me. "You can make it? Go fast enough?" I nodded unsurely.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked desperately as he turned on his motorcycle and revved it.

"It's time," he said.

"Time for what?"

"The army."

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : I didn't get the hundredth review until this morning, so you guys had to wait until Saturday night, rather than Friday night. Sorry! But if you get up to 110 reviews by Sunday night, I'll update then! If not, Monday it is ... )**

**( Song : Here's To Tonight by Eve 6 ) ( Haha yay old one! But it's so good :P )**

**( Read and review! )**


	17. Listening, Thinking, Learning

_Chapter Sixteen : Listening, Thinking, Learning_

Surprisingly enough, I didn't die. It was close though, when Jacob lead me over a small cliff and I dropped a good ten feet. However, I managed to stay on my bike.

At this point, I had no idea where we were. Ten or fifteen minutes passed in silence, save the roaring of the motorcycles, where we raced through La Push and then the woods of Forks.

Suddenly, we broke through onto a street that I vaguely recognized. It was north of the school. Briefly looking at the houses we streamed past, I realized that this was where I found the bikes in the first place.

However, the weather was similar to what it was that faithful day : rainy. The slight turn of my head made me lose control of the bike and in a split second wobbled I was on the ground, the bike skidding far down the slick road and pulling me along with it.

I saw Jake's bike squeal to a stop as he turned it, then jumped off and ran to me as my bike finally hit the curb and stopped.

"Bella?" Jake cried. "Are you okay?"

I winced, sitting up. "Yeah, it was only my leg." Standing up, I saw a fine line of blood soaking down my jeans.

"Shit," Jake said. "We need to get that cleaned up before we … regroup …"

I knew what he meant. He didn't want me bleeding around Edward or the Cullens. I didn't want to bleed in front of them either.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Jake roared, walking in a circle and throwing his hands up in the air. "What am I going to DO?" he yelled again, scaring a whole flock of crows out of a tree.

As Jake fought with himself for the moment, I realized how eerily quiet it was. I couldn't hear any birds. There was no breeze that shook the trees and, though everything was wet, no water dropping. It was ominous. Bad things were coming.

"Give me _one_ second, Bella, okay?" Jake asked me. I nodded, wincing in pain as my leg moved a bit. He turned and ran into the wall of trees along the road. A minutes passed before he returned.

"Okay well now the whole pack knows. They're on their way."

"Know _what, _Jake?" I asked desperately. I was still fuzzy on the whole subject of what we were doing. In fact my entire mind felt a little fuzzy.

"About the army," he told me matter-of-factly.

"What army, Jake?"

"Well the bloodsucker was the one who called. He said the psychic bloodsucker saw the red-headed bloodsucker and many, _many_ others. In Forks. It's time, there's going to be a fight and we need you OUT of here."

"You're … you're _fighting_ her?" He nodded as he lifted the bike off me.

"But Jake, you, you _can't_! The pack, they can't either."

"The Cullens need our help," he said.

"Th-the C-cullens? They're f-fighting, too?" I stammered, getting dizzier by the second.

"Yup. The more there are against her, the better odds are that we'll win."

"How many?" I exhaled. I knew he knew what I meant.

"About … twenty. Plus … Victoria, was it? She makes twenty one."

Twenty one.

Several things happened at once, but to sum it all up – I passed out. Not before hearing Jake swear once more before I hit the pavement.

My mind was swimming, having no true direction of thought. I suddenly awoke with a jolt, sitting up and making my head spin.

"Bella?" someone asked me.

"Ow," I grumbled.

"Take it easy, there. You lost a lot of blood."

"C-carlisle?" I muttered. My vision was unblurred and I saw the handsome, blond vampire sitting across me in a … tent?

"Yes. Like I said, Bella, you lost a lot of blood."

"How long did I pass out for?" I asked.

"About two hours. You're in a tent now, north of town. In fact, you're about eight miles away from the clearing in which we played baseball."

"Huh?" I asked, not really paying attention, rubbing my head.

"Bella, I need to tell you something. And I can not stress it enough. Are you listening?" I nodded, trying very hard to focus. "You. _Must_. Stay. Here. Okay?" I nodded again, a bad idea.

"Just rest. It will all be over soon," he said, before flitting out the tent.

I was about to lay back down before I realized what _it_ was. The fight. Victoria made an army of vampires and everyone was fighting her. The Cullens – little Alice, over-eager Emmett, sweet Esme. All of them, fighting for their lives. For my life.

And the wolves. I wasn't sure how many there were now – Jake told me a couple joined after Quil, but never specified who. _Jacob._ I couldn't let him fight. It was so selfish, asking him to possibly die for me. Asking that of anyone was terrible enough.

And finally, Edward. Why was he so damn suicidal? I know he was a vampire. He was experience and smart and would make sure he got out of any tight corners … right? I pushed that thought out of my head as I thought about Edward versus twenty one vampires.

I doubted even he could make it. I had to stop it. Something, there had to be _something_ I could do.

All of them, all twenty one of them, were here for one thing. Right? Me. Victoria burned with a passion to avenge James' death. By killing me, that thirst of desire would be complete. The one way I could save them all. All the ones I loved. The Cullens, the wolves, Jake, Edward. It was so _simple._

I got out of the sleeping bag I was placed in and grabbed a pair of boots by the tent entrance. I began lacing them up and grabbed a jacket off the floor.

I couldn't be selfish. I couldn't be the one who took so many lives. That was worse than any of them. Even if they wouldn't believe me.

Edward had tried fruitlessly to convince me he had no soul. He killed people, making him sinful. But what was more sinful? Killing people who killed others or destroyed a person's life? Or losing those you love because they were fighting _for_ you?

I knew what I had to do. That was obvious. As I sprinted across the hundred foot wide clearing, it's all I could think about. Finally, I reached the forest and everything changed as it encroached upon me.

_Think_, a voice told me. _Do you know what you're doing? You're running towards danger. You're going to kill yourself to save the ones you love. Is it worth it?_ Of course it is!, I argued with myself. What would ever stop me from saving at least thirteen others by sacrificing only myself? Nothing. That was my answer.

I sped up, beginning to sprint thought the forest. If you could call it sprinting – some would call it stumbling really, really fast. I was scratched all over my body as I fell repeatedly. Mud was now caked on to my pants and palms and I could feel stitches down my leg that were pulling against the more strenuous movements.

_Are you sur_e? the voice asked after a couple miles. _Is it really the right thing to do?_ Most definitely. What would make you think it wouldn't put a stop to it all? Once I was dead, there was nothing keeping her here.

_How do you know she'll stop at you? What if she just keeps going – killing you _and_ them_.

I slowed down.

It's true. She's built up this revenge for a good year now. Who knows what she's willing to do now? Especially since she's willing to kill the others to get to me, who says she'll stop at me, if she were to get me first.

_No_, a different voice told me. I liked this one. _She just wants you. Besides, as she takes you, it will give them all an advantage. They can take so many more down if Victoria isn't paying attention._

It was a good plan and it gave me a new edge. I began running again, hyped on adrenaline. I was going to save them all. The wolves, the Cullens. It would be perfect.

Edward and Jake could go on without me, sure. They survived before me, they can survive after me. Edward has had eighty years to find someone else, he can spend another eighty if he had to. And Jake has many eligible girls right at his fingertips. With those muscles, I'm surprised there aren't any girls who hang around, hopeful.

I smiled as I thought about them. I loved Jacob so much. I was doing this for him. In my mind, he was the most vulnerable. He was merely a boy, trapped in a fate that condemned him to saving me. As soon as I was out of the way, there was nothing else forcing him to suffer the life of a werewolf. He'd be free. I smiled. If that was as much as I could do for him, then let it be done.

All the wolves and the Cullens would be free from their burden of protecting me, too. Alice could live, she could shop for eternity with Jasper at her side. Emmett could go on taunting Edward and Jasper and creating fights. Rosalie would be happy – I wouldn't be a vampire and there wouldn't be an obnoxious human who knew their secret. Carlisle could focus on his work again and Esme wouldn't have to worry about Edward all the time.

And Edward. Oh how I loved him. I was doing this for him. So he could exist. Both out hearts wouldn't be beating for the rest of eternity, but he had a chance to still change the world. I was willing to give him that chance.

At that last thought I broke through the trees into a small clearing. Victory!

Looking around, I didn't recognize this clearing. It was much, much smaller. It would hardly take five minutes to cross it, if even that much. Snow sparkled on the ground and a brook that babbled its way through had ice floating on top.

Assuming I was going in the right direction, I shouldn't have been too far from_ the _clearing. I began crossing the mini one I was in when a dark shape attacked from my left side, pushing me down on the ground.

Whatever it was was heavy and it landed on top of me. The wind was knocked out of me and my head banged against the ground. I couldn't see what was now on top of me but it let out a low growl – a wolf. I wasn't going to die.

Ha! I laughed at that. I was just afraid that I was going to die on my way of going to die. How ironic!

Finally, the wolf realized my breathing was slowly decreasing. He lept off and I managed to stand up, the side of my head pounding.

"What the hell?" I asked the wolf. He just stared at me as if he did nothing wrong.

"Fine. Which one are you?" I demanded. I knew it wasn't Sam or Jake or Paul. I didn't care if it was one I knew – Embry or Jared or Quil – or not, I'd kill them either way.

It barked at me.

I threw my hands up in the air. "You can't change back and show me?" I screamed. It shook its head.

"Fine," I growled. "Just spell it out in the snow or something." The brute just stared at me. "_Please_," I added sarcastically.

The wolf barked at me once before turning its back to me. Walking to a fresh patch of snow, he used his nose to spell out a name. The he turned around to trot back to me, his tail sweeping away the name in the process.

"Great," I mumbled. He looked confused, then turned around to see blank snow.

"Forget it," I grumbled. Then, I turned to walk back through the woods. I heard yelping behind me.

I sighed, then turned and trudged back to the wolf.

"Look here," I commanded him. His eyes automatically shone with fear, not used to such a harshly commanding tone. "I'm going where ever I want. And right now? Right now you're going to start thinking about whatever girl you like. Got me? Think about her long and hard. Imagine what you'd do if you were alone together. If you think about me once, I'll get revenge. Got it?

The wolf whined once before nodding and trotting over to the brook.

I turned again and made my way back into the tangle of trees. When I wasn't stopped after about half a mile, I regained my confidence.

I was close now. I could feel it. Only a handful more yards, and it would all be done.

Ten minutes later, I reached the edge of the forest. I hung behind the shadows of the trees and pulled down a branch to see into the clearing.

The view I had was magical. Literally. A giant clearing filled with two feet of snow on top of which vampires and wolves fought. The sky was overcast but the mix of the snow reflecting that little bit of light caused the vampires to glow, rather than sparkle.

I saw four wolves pounce onto a blond male vampire who then fell as they tore him to shreds. I saw every fighting in pairs or more. I did a double take as I recounted the wolves – nine, plus the one in the small clearing makes ten. The only vampire-werewolf pair was between Edward and the biggest wolf.

Suddenly, Edward fell to the ground and I froze. However, the wolf he was working with lunged at the tall, lank vampire they were fighting and brought him down. Edward jumped up and help the red-brown wolf finish him off. Jacob.

Jake barked at Edward in victory before bounding off to help a gray wolf with a nasty female. Edward then turned, seeing who he could help out when he was hit from behind. The short, black female was on his back, biting him repeatedly. He cried out in pain and I knew – it was time to enter the clearing.

Several things happened at once. "Bella," a voice snarled joyfully as I stepped forward out of the woods and into the clearing. I turned mid-step to see a vibrant red blur pushed away by something blond and disappear behind the trees. The turn made me fall back into the snow and yell "Uhh!" as I hit the ground. All this happened in less than a second.

"Bella," Edward cried beside me, exasperated. However, as he leaned down to help me up he was attacked on the side by a white-blond vampire with a pointed face.

Luckily, Edward managed to spring up, pushing the vampire off. He grabbed the guy by his shirt collar and brought him an inch away from his face. After growling menacingly once he punted the vampire across the clearing. I saw him fall into the trees and heard a few break.

I got up and scrambled to the edge of the trees.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, moving back over to me as he dodged a tree branch that was thrown from the opposite side of the forest. "What are you _doing_ here?" he demanded.

I opened my mouth, gabbing wordlessly. Being amidst the action blanked out my mind and I suddenly forgot why I was here.

"Bella we need to get you OUT of here!" Edward roared over the noise of all the fighting.

"Why?" I demanded, finally finding my voice.

Suddenly everyone's heads whipped to the left. I followed suit to see a wild, red-headed female blocking blows from a lean blond vampire. Victoria was fighting Jasper.

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : You probably think the first part of the chapter is boring. Oh well. And I guess you can say I left you a cliff hanger. Who knows what will happen next? I hope you liked. )**

**( Song : Ur So Gay by Katy Perry )**

**( Read and review! ) ( BTW - Thanks SO much for all the reviews, guys! I mean I asked for 110 by Sunday night and I got 112 by Sunday afternoon! That's why you guys get this chapter extra EXTRA early! And also because I'm sick and have nothing better to do ... Keep it up!! :) )**


	18. The Fight

_Chapter Seventeen : The Fight, Pt 1_

Everyone's attention was on the two vampires now dueling at the north end of the clearing.

Even the army of vampires were mesmerized. Many of their faces were almost scared. They probably didn't know what to do.

Though everyone was intent on watching the fight, I took advantage of the moment.

First, I counted the enemies that were left. Eleven. Four of which were missing limbs or giant chunks. They would be taken care of easily. The rest were whole, however.

While watching Edward, I began to slink my way backward into the forest. If I just ran around the rim of the tree, but out of sight of all those in the clearing, I could make it to Victoria and end this.

I crept back and hit a tree. I side stepped and went to step back once more and I hit the tree again. But it was too smooth for a tree. I reached my hand back, afraid of feeling the cool, marble skin of an adversary, but found the soft, hot skin of a werewolf.

I whipped around and came face to face with a bare chest that I bounced off. The hands of the werewolf plugged my mouth and caught my back. I made no sound and was now looking up into Jake's human face.

He let go of my mouth slowly, then make a 'shh' gesture with his finger. I nodded and he swept me up into his arms. He began to job away from the clearing. A last glanced showed the enemy vampires beginning to converge on Victoria and Jasper and the Cullens and werewolves following them slightly. All eyes were on the pair.

When we were far enough away that Jake slowed down, I found it safe to talk.

"Take me back," I demanded. He stared at me incredulously.

"Are you kidding? You'll get killed."

"I have a plan," I told him. He snorted.

"Yeah, ok. If you haven't noticed we have twelve enemy vampires –nine and a half, technically – all of whom were made to want your blood. They want you dead, Bella, and will stop at nothing to ensure that."

He was right. They'd stop at nothing. They would just keep killing people until they found me. That's why I _had_ to get back there.

"Take me back," I demanded.

"Why?" he asked, just as stubborn. "So you can die and everyone fighting in that clearing will be heartbroken? We're fighting for you, Bella. We'll win."

"Jake, you don't understand. Just take me back. If Victoria sees me, she'll get distracted. The second she catches my immediate scent, she'll forget what she's doing. It's the perfect moment for all of you to strike then, when her back's turned."

Jake's face then displayed obvious thought. He was considering my plan. He didn't need to know that I probably _would_ die.

"I hate myself for doing this," he finally said.

"Yes!" I cheered. "I love you Jake!"

"I know," he muttered, smiling breifly before turning around to sprint back.

We reached the edge of the forest and he stepped dangerously close to the clearing. Through the space between trees, I saw were were about a hundred feet away from the dueling pair. All the others were gathered loosely, another hundred yards away from them, mesmerized.

"Here's what we're going to do, Bella," Jake whispered so I could barely here. He back up a bit from the edge of the clearing. "You need to follow me _exactly_, ok?" he asked in a bit louder whisper. I nodded.

"I'm going to put you down and transform, then loop around to the left so that I am _behind_ her. You move to the edge of the clearing, just so you're out of the trees, and catch her attention. I'm going to then attack as soon as I can. The _second_ you see me fly out of the trees you _run_. You hear me?" I nodded again, thinking of a plan of my own.

He set me down then on my feet and turned to leave. I closed my eyes to take a deep breath. When I opened them, I found Jake standing infront of me and I flinched from the surprise.

"I love you," he mouthed to me. Then he leaned down once more and kissed me passionately for a minutes before breaking free and jumping over a log and into the woods.

I took another breath. This was for Jacob. This was for Edward. I loved them both. I could never choose, for I'd hurt whoever I didn't choose. This would save them both for neither would have to be jealous of the other.

I walked forward four feet and had a sudden out of body experience. MY hearing was off, as if I was hearing everything from the other side of a tunnel.

I stood there for a minute, waiting for someone to see me. To smell me. However, Jasper and Victoria continued going at it. I felt like I could see the exhaustion building up in Jasper. I had to end it. Now.

"Victoria!" I called. She took one last swipe at Jasper as she turned, tearing across his stomach. Everyone froze. "Where's your beloved James?" I asked. In that moment twenty seven and a half heads turned my way in a snap.

Victoria growled out fiercely and Jasper dropped to his knees.

"I'm sorry," I said in mock pleasantness. "Where did you say he was? Dead?"

I pushed her over the edge. She let out a cry, looking up at the sky, then sprinted towards me.

In the second I saw her run at me I also saw Alice rush to kneel at Jasper's side, a handful of wolves jump a couple vampires, the Cullens do a double take, and Edward's eyes pop.

I felt like time slowed as I saw Victoria four feet away, flying through the air. She reached out a hand that was about to scratch my face when she suddenly stopped. Her face changed to surprise as she was pulled backward and flung around by a red wolf.

I exhaled and stumbled a bit, suddenly dizzy. Then time sped up and everyone became locked in battle again as the duel had ended.

I fell to the ground as Jacob pounced on Victoria and tried ripping her arm off. Looking up, I saw Edward standing in the same spot as before.

His face was maniacal. For the first time ever, when looking at him, the only word that vame to mind was _vampire_. His teeth were barred and glistening in the light that shown of the snow. His eyes held true anger as he was mentally revving to attack.

Victoria managed to pull away from Jacob and, panting, turned to me. She smiled wickedly but, before she could turn, was tackled by Edward and Esme at the same time.

Jacob made to stand up, but then fell down again in a head. He moaned lightly as he tried again. I managed to caught my eye. He looked at me pleadingly and yelpled as if to say, "Run, Bella."

I nodded once and began to sprint across the edge of the clearing.

Once I was equal ot the middle, I was suddenly attacked. A shining white body flew at me and pinned me against a tree.

"Hello, deary," the white blonde vampire growled at me. His pointed face was twisted in delight at catching me. My arms throbbed from his grip and my back ached as it was pushed harder into the tree.

"Aren't you fine?" he asked as he removed a fist from my arm to stroke my cheek. "Not for much longer, unfortunately." He chuckled lowly and began to lean in forward.

"Hey, Remy!" I heard a voice call. The vampire who was holding me flipped his head around to look behind him. Edward was standing dead center in the clearing, waving his arms around. "You know how _proud_ Victoria would be if you took me down," he called again.

Remy turned to look at me, indecision splitting aross his face. He snarled then turned in one quick movement and rushed at Edward. The second he let me go I saw Jacob bound forward and lay down in the middle of the snow.

Before Remy was half way towards Edward, Edward began to rush forward at him. He grabbed Remy by his upper arms and ran with him, yelling indistinctly the whole way.

When he got closer he put Remy down but continued to run forward. Remy stumbled backwards, trying to escape the fury that was chasing him when he suddenly tripped over Jacob's body and fell to the floor.

The second he hit the ground Rosalie pounced on him and ripped him to shreds. One of his hands flew in my direction and I squealed.

Jacob stood up and coughed out barks – he was laughing. Amidst the tensest part of the battle, Jake was laughing.

"Nice!" I then heard Edward call back in Jake's direction as he then dove at the legs of a blond female and took her down.

Jake was having trouble walking, I could see it. He still managed to bound lopsidedly to my side. He nudged my shoulder with his nose.

"Ok, ok, I'll go," I told him. "You go help Sam, he's being triple teamed." That much was true because at that second Sam collapsed under three vamprires. Jake wobbled his way as fast as he could to Sam's side.

I searched the clearing frantically for the bright red target. My eyes fell short when I saw Alice crouching in front of an injured Jasper, trying to fend off two enemies.

Without really thinking, I sprinted as fast as I could across the clearing, passing fights whose outcomes I didn't want to think of. I stopped a couple yards short behind the two who were attacking Alice when I suddenly realized I couldn't do anything to them – I had no superior strength, no hidden weapons.

Or did I?

I tore the sweatshirt I was wearing off my head and threw it at them. The extreme concentration of my scent drove them wild. The curly-haired female grabbed tufts of her hair and pulled at them while the short, broad male began sniffing around.

A gust of wind shook the clearing from behind me and my scent was carried over to them again. The both turned in unison to find me standing there so helplessly with no protection. Their mad eyes sent a shiver down my spine as I realized this was it. Jasper was hurt but the others were alive, weren't they?

The two vampires rushed at me and all I saw was blackness. I covered my ears as a shrill scratching sound issued from the two vampires colliding with Emmett's huge body.

Emmett picked up the two by their heads and banged them together. One lost half of his face, it being shattered into tiny little pieces. Then Emmett took each and broke them in half on his knee.

I almost felt naseous, realizing that he just killed two people. Even if they were vampires, they were people once. They were living now. And Emmett tore them in half.

I shivered again and fell, but was caught by a strong embrace.

"You're not acutally helping, Bella." It was Carlisle's smooth voiced that caressed my inner ear.

I moved to step forward out of his arms so I could turn to face him but he wouldn't let go.

"Wha-?" But my question was answered before I finished it. Two vampires the jumped on Carlisle from each side. He held me tight to himself and even though my body ached from his strong arms, I felt safe. I heard a growling, ripping noise and saw fuzzy blurs attack, too.

Finally, Carlisle let go and I saw two wolves on each attacker, tearing them up. The noise killed my ears. Every time a limb was lost on a vampire, a loud crack like breaking a rock shattered and echoed against the trees.

I began sprinting away from the fight, back towards the trees. I tripped. I flew into the snow and got the wind knocked out of me.

Pushing myself out, I spit out the snow in my mouth. It landed on a pair of feet. Looking up, I saw the snarl that haunted my dreams for weeks on end. I gulped deep as I sat up and continued to stare into the blood red eyes of Victoria.

"This has gone on long enough," she snarled. Instead of the threatening, crazed voice I expected, her voice was light and bubbly. If she wasn't about to kill me, I'd have appreciated the sound of it. It was as lovely as any of the Cullens.

My head was suddenly mixed up. Her traits drew me in, like they were meant to. I was mesmerized. My mind went blank, as did my ears. Silence was pressing down all around me.

Leaning forward, I caught that all to familiar scent that all the Cullens had. It was distinct though, everyone's was. Hers was more natural, perhaps from being out doors all the time.

I was a foot away from her when she leaned forward towards me. Everything slowed down.

We were an inch away from touching when the silence shattered. A ripping growl soared throught the air as a wolf pounced at her. However, her instincts won as she turned and kicked out at the wolf, hitting him square in the stomach.

I saw Jake sail feet away and fall into a heap on the ground.

"No!" I cried. Victoria laughed menacingly.

The terrible sound was cut off by the clash of boulders as I saw three vampires tackle her. Alice, Esme, and Carlisle were on top of her but she was putting up a fight. Her eyes burned with desire to taste my blood. She wasn't about to give up.

I felt my arm jerk in its socket as I realized Edward grabbed my arm and was pulling me to the woods. In a swift movement he grabbed me up into his arms and sprinted, my vision blurring into a wall of brown and green.

I looked up into his face and saw pure fury and determination etched across it.

I opened my mouth to speak but he growled. I sunk back into myself, afraid. I didn't want to be in his arms. I didn't feel welcome. He was mad because I disrupted the fight, because I caused trouble.

"Sorry," I whispered almost noisily. I saw a flicker of emotion on his face before it was set again. Was it angst that I saw? It was almost as if my words hurt him.

"You did nothing wrong," he growled lowly at me.

"Then why are we running?" I exhaled.

"We're being followed," he told me. My stomach droppped.

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**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : Yes, Jake and Edward did mailbox a vampire. I just had to include that! SORRY - Sorry for the late update! My social life got in the way :\ But it's not like the review count was that great, either. I demand 130 or the next chapter doesn't go up! PLEASEE! )**

**( Song : Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep by AFI )**

**( Read and review! )**


	19. The Fight, Pt 2

_Chapter Eighteen : The Fight Pt 2_

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( Previous : "We're being followed," he told me. My stomach dropped. )

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Racing through the woods, I felt empty. My mind was blank as my eyes bulged out of my head, unfocused on the blur of woods we sped through.

Victoria was following us. This was going to be it. I'd die, in Edward's arms.

It seemed silly to me, thinking this. Was I not just willingly going to die, only an hour or so before. And now I dreaded death. I dreaded the end. Perhaps because it wasn't my choice.

I felt a jolt as Edward picked up speed, running full force. His face was still set in determination as he sped through Washington. I looked up at him curiously. Without even looking down he muttered, "We're alone now."

If we were alone, why were we going faster? Wouldn't that mean we could stop?

"As in it's only us, and Victoria," he said, as if he knew what I was thinking. "Carlisle had to turn around – he was not far behind her but Esme needed him back in the clearing."

Another sudden movement jerked me around in his grasp. He suddenly turned right.

"Hold on tight, now," he told me, still not looking at me. "I'm trying to shake her off."

Oh, yeah. Easy thing to do when running against the wind and trailing my scent mixed with yours throughout Washington. That was a _great_ idea.

I was carried throughout miles of forest. How many trees were there in this state? You'd think they had to end at some point …

Finally, we came to a (rather abrupt) stop. Edward was still tense, though, as he set me down on my feet.

I looked around. We were next to a stone precipice and the trees that bordered the small outcropping were covered in ice that sparkled in the light reflected off the blanket of snow on the ground.

"Edward!" I scolded his name in a whisper. "There are campers _right there!_" I motioned to the small, gray tent not five feet away from us.

He just rolled his eyes and turned around, staring at the woods. No doubt his sight was much better than mine, but what could he be looking for? If we stopped, surely Victoria got lost on the way to … wherever we were.

"Edward what are we _doing_ here?" I whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he asked without turning to me in a normal level voice – for humans, that is.

I motioned to the tent with my eyes while throwing both my arms out in the same direction.

"You're worried about an empty tent?" he asked, turning slightly. He was amused.

" … Why is it empty?"

"Because some stubborn little human had to interrupt a battle that was going perfectly fine before she showed up." Oh. It was my tent. Boy, did I feel silly.

"But I didn't know if anyone was hurt …" I admitted, now staring down at my feet as a crimson hue crept across my cheeks.

I heard a soft chuckle as he walked back to me, content with out surroundings.

"You underestimate our power. We are the last you should worry about."

"I know …"

"Bella," he sighed my name. Closing the small gap between us, he lifted my chin up with his fingers.

"Edward …" My protest was broken off with his lips gently pressing against mine. Though I hung my body limp, my lips couldn't help but move with his.

"I know," he whispered, breaking away but still less than a centimeter away from my mouth. "I know."

He kissed me once more lightly then stepped back. He looked at me meaningfully for a minute, then sighed. He turned on the spot, took a few steps, and sat down on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chin. His uncharacteristic posture worried me.

A moment passed and I was still standing there, look at his back.

"Go in the tent, Bella," he told me, hardly looking over his shoulder. "It's cold out."

I sighed. I was dying to reach out my arm, to comfort him. But at the same time I couldn't. It was hard enough, hurting him. But could I hurt myself as well? If I took those few necessary steps. If I embraced him, even in the most unmeaningful way. Could I then walk away from it?

Walking towards the tent, I looked up at the sky as my tears starting to pool over and I tried to hold in the sound. When I got inside I collapsed, bawling.

I knew he could still hear, even if I were on the other side of the mountain. But I couldn't hold it in. I didn't care that I could hardly breathe, with my face plastered into the ground. I didn't care that I would very soon drown in my own tears.

The loudness of my fit overshadowed any other noises, not that I'd have heard him anyway. His cold hand against my back created butterflies in my stomach and caused another round of hysteria all at the same time.

Putting up with my human tendencies, he rubbed soothing circles across my back that burnt with every circuit. After what felt like eternity, I was finally able to gain control over myself. Sniffling and wiping my tears away from my face, I turned it to my right to look at him sitting cross legged beside me.

"I-" I began, my voice nasally.

"Shh, Bella," he cooed. "It's fine. Just relax."

"But –" I said again, making sure he understood.

"Shh," he said again, continuing to stroke my back. No matter how calming it felt, it riled me at the same time.

I sat up and his hand fell off me. "No, Edward," I protested, my voice still wet. "I want to say something."

I waited to see if he'd protest but he didn't. When I continued, he looked down at his lap. This bothered me. He was probably hurt, but he normally hid his emotions well.

"Edward I'm terribly sorry. I … I didn't expect to have to choose –" His breathing hitched slightly and I reached out my hand to touch his shoulder, to comfort _him_, but I couldn't. My hand just flexed back and forth as indecision clouded my mind. Finally, I dropped my hand. "I didn't know … I didn't know that … "

"You love him." he finished my sentence, still not looking at me.

"Yes," I exhaled. It made no sound but the slight movement of my lips broke my heart and, assumedly, his.

"I understand completely," he sighed out. "It was expected."

"E-" I tried to say his name, trying to reach out once more, and failed. Again.

"Bella, don't blame yourself." He looked up finally, glancing at my face before looking away again, to the side, like someone ashamed. "When … when I left I meant for you to move on. It's my problem that you did – not yours. I was selfish, assuming I could take you right back again."

"Edward, dammit!" I yelled, standing up. "Stop it!" I felt anger coursing through me.

He looked up, confused. I expected him to stand up, but even I had to bend a bit to fit.

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?" he asked innocently.

"_That!_ Put up a fight, or something. Make me want you more than him!"

"Why would I do that?" he asked, clearly horrified at not giving me a choice. "You obviously prefer Jacob. We all have to make choices in life, Bella. And no one can make them for us."

"Stop it!" I screamed again.

"Why? You made a choice, Bella, I –"

"No I didn't!" I yelled. I looked away, embarrassed as tears began to repeat their frequent path.

"But -" he whispered.

"I didn't, Edward, okay?" My voice was sharper than I'd like, but the anger of it all consumed me. Why couldn't I just have both? Who cares, vampire or werewolf? I saw it as Edward and Jacob, nothing more.

I could feel him behind me, waiting for me to speak again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then sat in front of him. This time our eyes met.

"Why can't I love you both?" I asked, abandoning all defenses. "Why can't I, Edward? Why?"

"I don't know," he admitted, each word distinct. He looked as upset as I was about this. I looked at him questioningly. "It kills me to see you like this, Bella. You don't deserve the pain of it. You're meant to be happy."

"Why?" I asked again. "Why do I want so badly to love one of you more, when I want you both equally?"

"Sometimes, you can't live without a certain person in your life. You need that one person, Bella."

"But what if I don't know which one he is?" I was totally desperate. I knew I needed to pick one, and I couldn't.

"You'll know," he promised. He was so innocent, so saintly. It was good he didn't put up a verbal fight, because the silent one he presented to me through his manner was bad enough.

"Will I?" I countered.

"I don't know," he whispered, almost to himself. "To make it easier on yourself, you can just choose me," he joked. I laughed wetly and pushed his shoulder lightly. My laughing stopped when he didn't move a millimeter.

"Oh," he said, then corrected himself by falling over onto the floor dramatically.

I laughed again, and fell next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's ok, Bella, I-" His voice cut off suddenly and I felt his body tense.

"Wha-?" He cut me off by covering my mouth with his hand. If the moment wasn't so serious, I would have felt my tounge's desire to taste it.

"We're not alone," he hissed in an exhale. My breathing became erratic, just like my heartbeat.

He sighed lightly and I could imagine him rolling his eyes. My obvious shock was not likely missed by any of his kind. If it was Victoria … she'd know.

Edward got up lithely and crawled to the exit and left the tent. I let less than a minute pass before I sprang at the zipper to open the flap. Edward was crouched defensively a couple feet away from the tent, growling at the empty clearing.

I saw a sudden movement on my right and turned my head a second later than Edward. A branch shook lightly, as if someone holding it aside let it go.

"Brought a friend?" Edward called to the emptiness. "Well that's cowardly."

I heard an answering growl from the darkness.

Suddenly, a strawberry blond vampire who was absent from the previous fight emerged from the left, crawling his way up towards Edward hesitantly.

Edward relaxed, standing up straighter than his defensive crouch, though his posture still showed resistance.

"Riley," he purred. "You know she lied. I can tell. In the back of your mind, you've had your doubts all along. And guess what? They're right."

The vampire slowed in his approach, looking fractionally more doubtful.

"Don't listen to him, Riley," a voiced cooed in response from the darkness. I recognized it immediately as Victoria's bubbly snarl.

Riley had indecision split across his face. Rather than deciding, he chose a third option : attack the tent. He launched himself at the tent and tore straight through the panel closest to himself and three away from me.

I squealed with horror as I jumped out and Edward lunged at Riley, preventing him from attacking me. However, I turned to see Victoria slowly prowling out from the tree's shadow.

"Edward!" I screamed. His head shot up and registered the danger at hand. He the kicked Riley in the stomach and Riley staggered, then fell over a pole and got tangle in the tent.

I backed up slowly, away from the fight. When my back hit the stone precipice my heart seemed to go into overload. I felt like it vibrated through the rock behind me. We were cornered, outnumbered.

I watched in horror as Edward fought so hard to keep Riley away from me and Victoria at bay. It wasn't fair for him to have to take them both on.

Technically, we _were_ evenly matched – not as far as skill, but as far as number. Just because I couldn't physically fight didn't mean I couldn't help. I racked my brain frantically for an idea as I watched Edward hold Riley by his throat and defend himself from Victoria's attack at the same time.

I was desperate, trying to think of the simplest thing that would distract one of them.

Suddenly, Edward threw Riley in front of himself to block a swing from Victoria. As a result, Riley's arm broke off and flew toward my head. I ducked, but not without a shrill scream as the rock above my head broke and the arm shattered.

I backed against the stone again as Victoria lunged at me but was then caught in the stomach by Edward's extended arm. The sound was shattering and reminded me of breaking rocks, like it always d- _broken rocks_!

I looked down and saw the shards around me. There was one particularly sharp piece. I grabbed it.

Looking up, I saw Riley stirring and Victoria and Edward going at it. Their movement was so fast I just saw a blur of color – mostly Victoria's hair.

Riley, too noticed the brawl in front of me. Edward and Victoria were so wrapped up on destroying each other that they didn't notice Riley's slow creep away. Coward. I knew how to end this, to finally save Edward like I promised I would.

The shard of rock in my hand felt good. I was sure, as my heartbeat pulsed through my arm, that this was right. I took one deep breath and, without exhaling, curled my arm up.

The icy stone pierced the crook of my arm, going deeper with each second that passed. Quickly, the thick, warm blood pooled out and over my arm. Still holding that last breath, I looked up suddenly to see Riley's eyes craving with intensity.

The fighting pair slowed and the events before me played out in slow motion. Edward fell towards the snow. Victoria pulled back from the last blow, then looked up at me, her eyes burning with the same intensity. Riley moved forward the tiniest bit and Victoria whipped her head towards him, snarling fiercely.

She swung out her hand and, though she didn't touch him, he recoiled and then backed away, his eyes burning for my blood before he turned to flee.

Right before Victoria turned her head back to me, blocking my view of Riley, I saw a figure emerge from the trees and Riley stopped.

Then, everything sped up as if on fast forward.

I cried out in exasperation as the pain of my self inflicted injury hit home. Sliding down the rock behind me, I clamped my eyes shut in a wave of pain.

I opened them to see a fierce Victoria spring at me, claws first, snarling.

The last thing I remember before my head slammed against the stone was a snarling, ripping noise followed by a boulder crashing into me and a more distant voice. I couldn't be sure, but I think it called out, "Edward!"

And then it was all gone. Black.

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : I've had a complaint or two about the events being too similar to the book, and they are. I'm not gonna lie. It's just hard, adjusting to the fact that I can do **_**anything**_** with the wonderful world of Twilight. So please excuse my repressed creativity. Also, sorry about the wait - school just started today so I didn't have a chance to get everything straightened out in time to update. )**

**( Song : I forgot what I was listening to when I wrote this … )**

**( Read and review! )**


	20. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

I was having an out-of-body experience. … If I even had a body.

Words floated meaninglessly around me. I caught some of it. Others just whipped by with no comprehension.

There was a lot of snarling and ripping and clashing around me. It hurt my ears. … Did I have ears? I wanted to tell whatever it was to stop, if I had a mouth.

A small voice was screaming out to me that I was having a déja-vu moment, as if this happened before. I couldn't remember.

The loud noises finally ended with one last clash and silence snuck in. It was pressing, suffocating. It would have been much worse if not for a continued ripping sound. That sound was feint, unimportant.

"How is everyone?" a panting voice asked. It sounded mildly familiar, but I didn't pay attention and I just floated away.

"Edward, she's bleeding," another voice insisted.

"Is Jasper okay? Are any of the pack hurt?"

"Edward! Bella is gushing blood!"

I suddenly remembered.

_Victoria lunged at me. Edward wasn't quick enough. She collided into me and I hit the rock behind me. I felt like I was squished in between to boulders. Everything ached._

_The pain of that was nothing compared to what was next. I felt a soft pull at my inner elbow and a _squelch_ing noise. The blood continued to gush out._

_Suddenly, my arm was scratched open desperately with sharp claws. Then I felt a pull at my arm again. I was losing blood even quicker. If possible, it was being pulled out at a single point._

_The loud noises then began as a female roared in rage and the tugging at my arm stopped. Clashing and ripping exploded in front of me. Then I heard a grunt before I felt sharp daggers pierce my leg. The same tugging from my arm was now in my leg. An odd sensation spread from both places._

Still blind, my mind floating in a world of black from the second my head hit the rock, I remembered the events that happened.

Abruptly, a piercing scream of pain broke the air. My throat burnt as the noise escaped its owner. The second the noise ended, my throat felt better. It was me – I was screaming.

One second I was numb and unfeeling, the next my entire body exploded in pain.

It felt as though fire were ripping its way throughout my limbs, bursting its way into my bloodstream.

I vaguely heard whimpering and arguing.

"Do it now," a voice commanded. Silence. "You're going to have to try! You could lose her!' More silence. I wanted to know so badly who that voice was talking to. Who it was talking about. What it meant.

" … Yes," the voice admitted in defeat. "Yes, that will happen if you don't suck out the venom." Venom? That's what I would say was coursing through me now, piercing my insides.

I realized it was me that voice was talking about. The pain I was suffering could be stopped. Dammit, why didn't it stop? I let out another strangled scream, as if to say, "Make it stop!"

More time passed and the fire only grew. It was consuming me. The voice I then heard was fainter than before, slipping away. "It's too late," it announced gravely.

I slipped back into unconsciousness. But not for long.

I awoke suddenly, gasping as I continued to writhe in pain.

"Bella," a woman called. "Bella, I'm getting married." That was so sweet though, why did it cause me pain?

I was suddenly flying. It felt like I was being pulled faster than sound through icicles.

It stopped and the fire reappeared. It was burning my body from the inside out.

"It would be more…_prudent_ for you not to be my friend," he said. I remember how those words hurt me. How I longed to be his friend, at the very least.

The burning ceased as I was shot with icicles again.

When it stopped, I now felt pressured, literally. My head pulsated with the intensity of the pressure and my chest felt crushed.

"I hate it—I can't stay here another minute!" I recognized the voice this time – it was mine. I remember the anguish that I felt as I broke his heart then. But I couldn't remember whose heart it was.

Another icy shower. Another re-ignition of the flames that consumed my body. The pressure was stronger than before, if possible. I was surprised my skull didn't crack open.

"You're simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably running with the wrong crowd I might add." The growl of the voice shook me. It set fire to my hand. The blazing pain that shot through the crescent-shaped bite mark was intensified by the feeling of it being cut up.

This time, rather than being pulled through stationary icicles that ripped through my body, I felt like I was dunked into negative temperature waters, without the sensation of being in water. I felt each finger and toe snap off frigidly, then my hands and feet, then my arms and legs.

I cried out, causing flames to erupt in my throat as the pain shot back through me, outlining my limbs that were now present.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," a familiar voice told me. There was no emotion in it.

"You…don't…want me?" The sound of this voice ripped matches across the inside of my throat. It was my voice. I screamed at the feeling, igniting a whole new wave of fire.

"It will be as if I never existed," the unfeeling voice then said.

That one sentence caused so much pain, the most I'd felt so far. Maybe this was the turning point of my pain. The apex. As fast and as hard as the pain had come, though, it suddenly faded into the now dull flames that surrounded me.

This time I heard no voice. I still saw blackness. But I remember feeling hurt, alone. I was left once before. I thought he'd never leave me. He saw how bad it was. But he did.

I was almost bored with the pain, it was so predictable. But instead of being plunged into a world of cold, everything went blank. No pain.

I vaguely heard a voice, feint in the background. But I couldn't make out what it was saying. My mind was suddenly shoved back and forth quickly, like someone was shaking it. But you can't shake your _mind_.

"Bella." I caught the voice, though it was still very feint. I wanted to respond to it, so badly. I opened my mouth.

I felt like I was being stabbed, everywhere. Knives were piercing my skin and I screamed in protest but my throat felt like one, giant knife was in it.

"It's the only reason we exist - because they do."

Rather than experiencing a new wave of pain, I heard the same voice.

"Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?"

I felt my heart plummet. I once dreamed of that. Of being a monster. But that would never happen. Someone didn't want me to.

Before I could remember who, I was falling. Spiraling.

I plummeted into a dark oblivion, a never ending fall. But the fall had to end sometime. I crashed into a glass surface. The shards pierced my skin and my body ached. Before I could even respond to the pain, I was drowning.

I felt the cold water again and I tried to scream out. But this time, it was actually water. It filled my lungs and all traces of oxygen left my body. There was a fierce current that pushed me around. I couldn't find up or down.

Salt burned my throat and nose as I was being pummeled around in nothingness. The water burned my skin with iciness as a flash of voices sped through my head.

"He thinks you're dead. He's going to Italy."

My head spin. I couldn't tell if it was because of the water or what I was hearing.

The voice was familiar, sure. They all were. But what it said? I never heard that.

There was a sudden jolt of my body and then I was blinded by shining sunlight. I still couldn't breathe and I was gasping for absent air.

The bright light faded and I was standing in a stone square. Loud voices of a pressing crowd echoed between the buildings.

Everything went black. It was silent.

"Don't die," a voice pleaded. "Don't die, Bella."

Then the bright light returned and the volume was turned up. I turned around to see two, large, cloaked figures pounce on a human-sized diamond that glistened in the light.

I don't know why, but the demolition of the jewel hurt me. I screamed out, meaning to yell, "Stop!" but only heard an indistinct noise issue.

I shouldn't have screamed. I was out of air. I was a while ago. I gasped, like a fish out of water. Like a person in water. At the same time I flailed, frantically. I needed to get to the gem, to save it.

I _needed_ the diamond. It was what kept me alive. Without it, I was nothing. Without it, I might as well be dead.

The noise of the crowd disappeared as well as the light. The deep silence returned.

"Bella, shh! You didn't die! I didn't die! We're not in Italy!" The voice was supposed to be soothing but it only irked me. If I wasn't dead then why was I being put through this hell?

I wanted to scream. Hell, if I was dead I might as well be allowed to.

I opened my mouth and inhaled deeply. The air gathered in my throat as the yell built. Then I screamed.

The fire re-errupted in my bones and the blaze hurt more than anything. I wanted it to end so badly, I wanted to cry. I felt a tear push out from the corner of my eye and slowly ebb its way down onto my cheek. It began to evaporate of the burning flesh of my cheek.

Before it was gone, I was frozen. Ice spread through my veins and stiffened every inch of my body. The remainder of the tear froze, then sunk into my face, to my brain. It sent a wave through my body as the ice all shattered and scratched in my insides.

After the ice broke out, the flames returned and I was falling again. However, I was just falling through torches. Everything I just relived flashed past me in a whirl, including other, less distinct memories. The more distinct memories brought more pain, more flames. The lesser ones passed quicker, not giving me a moments rest. I stopped falling, the flames surrounding me.

However, it was all put out in an icy splash. It ebbed its way out of my arms and my legs, shrinking towards my torso. Every inch that it vanished from, that was replaced with coldness, felt like it was vacuumed dry, like there was nothing left.

The fire continued to creep back towards my left side – towards my heart. As it left my head, the cold felt good, like an icepack. But in one quick second it was sucked dry, too. Finally there was only one place the fire burned. My heart.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than for it to stop. I didn't care if my heart stopped along with it. Since I obviously wasn't dead, if my heart beats, then I welcomed death.

As if the fire heard me, it responded. Time slowed suddenly so a second felt like a minute. In that last second, everything was silenced – the burning of the flames, my cries of protest – and I heard the last _bump bum_ of my heart. Then – silence. The fire was gone.

I waited, to see if it really stopped. I no longer heard it, no longer felt it. I was about to scream when the fire roared in my chest, then split in two and blazed its way to the shin on my left leg and the inner elbow of my left arm. The way its concentrated burning felt, I imagined flames shoot from my body like an erupting volcano.

It ended in one violent shake of my body. Everything was gone. The feeling of pain – gone. The noise of the flames and my yells and my memories – no longer. I was a floating conscience again.

Suddenly, I felt like I was jerked backwards through a whirlwind, then thrown onto something. The impact knocked everything out of me – every memory, every little detail of what just happened. Gone.

This time I had a body. Not because I felt something trying to destroy it, but because I felt _with_ it. I could move my fingers if I wanted to, they were already resting on a hard, concrete surface. So were my legs, my chest, my head. Everything. I was laying on a table.

I then heard. And I mean I _heard_. Though I was sure I was inside, I heard the babbling of a stream. Several deer pranced nearby, too. Far up above me, I heard two people whispering to each other, like a hushed argument.

Besides that, there was silence all around me.

I inhaled. It sounded loud, like a gasp. I heard the air pouring into my nose and filling my lungs. Then, as I exhaled, I opened my lids.

The second I opened them everything I saw was in a red haze. However, it faded in less than seconds. Everything I saw was in extremely fine detail. I could see every stand of hair on the people who sat like stones in front of me, every fiber of their clothes.

Two males, two females. One male and both the females were sitting at a table, looking at me cautiously. The other male was kneeling beside the table, looking up into my face with eyes that shone with emotion.

"Jacob?" I exhaled.

* * *

**( Disclaimer : I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters present in it. )**

**( AN : The end! I'll make a sequel (eventually). Sorry for this being so morbid! I came back to try and edit out the very drawn out suffering, but didn't because I'd have to reconstruct the ENTIRE thing. So sorry it's long. )**

**( BTW - If you have any questions pertaining this specific story – anything that didn't seem clear before – PM me. I'm more than happy to answer your questions! )**

**( Read, review, and VOTE !! ) ( And please review even though it's the last chapter - I'd like to know what you think! )**


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